All the King's Men
by ghirahim
Summary: Falling down a fox hole into a world he's never heard of was the least of Naruto's worries, especially when he becomes the ruler of said world; if that wasn't bad enough he loses his best friend yet gains an unwanted harem of possessive and crazy demons!
1. The Golden Haired, Blue Eyed Heir

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor do I own Humpty Dumpty – which this title was unwittingly taken from; furthermore, I do not own the books or films of the same name. Oh, and I also do not own Kyou Kara Maou nor Sex Pistols (the manga) which partially inspired the creation of this story. I also realized that this story (and its predecessors) was subconsciously inspired by Alice's Adventures In Wonderland and its sequel Through The Looking-Glass.

A/N: If I didn't already make it blatantly obvious, this is the much needed revamping of the story Hentais, Harems, & Heika. Why? Because Konohagakure is a _kingdom and not an empire_ making Naruto **not the emperor but the king** – because one cannot be the king of an empire: hence the title and re-creation of this story.

Heika means both emperor and your majesty – the definition used here, clearly, is the latter (as it can also be used to describe a king); Denka means your highness.

**And lastly, just to clear any misconceptions, _this story is yaoi_!**

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><p>"<em>Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years."<br>-Richard Bach_

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><p>Seventeen-year-old Uzumaki Naruto sat against a wall on the rooftop glaring at the harsh sunlight above while silently cursing his lack of protective eye wear from the elements. The blond was certain he'd get an earful from principal Sarutobi Hiruzen for skipping class, especially on the 'forbidden' rooftop, but he was the birthday boy so he really couldn't find it in his heart to give a damn.<p>

Seated next to the seventeen-year-old was fourteen-year-old Sarutobi Konohamaru, grandson to the principal as well as Naruto's pranking protégé, best friend, and little brother figure.

The brunet yawned and rubbed his eyes adorably, "is it lunchtime?"

Cooing, the blond put an arm around his companion drawing him closer. "You're so cute~" Konohamaru groaned as Naruto rubbed their faces together. The blond wasn't openly affectionate by nature, but something about Konohamaru made him want to gush excessively. Whenever he was in a bad mood Konohamaru made it all better; the brunet was like a giant, squishy, moving teddy bear.

"Boss, I... can't... breathe!" The fourteen-year-old choked out gasping for air.

"Oops!" Naruto slowly released Konohamaru chuckling slightly, "guess I don't know my own strength."

Frowning, Konohamaru rubbed his neck. "I'll say."

The intercom cackled on forcing the teens, along with everyone inside the school, to cover their ears from the horrid sound. _"Uzumaki Naruto, I __know__ you're here today. Report to the Principal's office. Immediately!" _Konohamaru and Naruto exchanged glances and before the latter was about to speak the intercom spoke again. _"You too Konohamaru." _Then it shut off.

"Gramps sounded uber pissed boss."

"Uber?" The blond shook his head, "we don't have to go."

"Oh yes we do! I _live_ with him, of course he knows I'm in school and _of course_ he knows I'm hanging out with you!"

Sighing, the blond facepalmed. "Okay, okay. Lets go."

Ten minutes later the two teens found themselves sitting in principal Sarutobi's office staring at the stone-faced man with his hands folded over the giant mahogany desk. "Naruto." He glanced at his visibly shaking grandson then glanced back at the blond. "Do you know why I called you here?"

"Uh..." The blond scratched the back of his neck. "Is it because you wanted to wish me a happy birthday?"

"Cute, but no."

Naruto slumped in his seat. "I figured as much."

The principal sighed. "We're not even halfway into the second semester, this is the time you should be preparing for college as you already have a part-time job." Naruto's left eye twitched. "Fortunately, your barely passing grades meaning you don't have to quit working; however, your lackadaisical attitude toward learning and schooling in general is setting a terrible example for your junior." He glanced at Konohamaru again, only this time the brunet couldn't make eye contact with his grandfather. "Needless to say, your pranking has a similar effect."

"Hold up old man, you're not saying I have to stop hanging around Konohamaru or anything, right?"

Konohamaru stared at Naruto before looking at his grandfather with pleading eyes. Something like that would seem like a death sentence to the fourteen-year-old; perhaps it because he was regarded with such power due to his surname but Konohamaru didn't make friends as easily as someone with his hyperactive, easy going, cheerful personality normally would – with Naruto came all sorts of other friends he hung out with whenever the blond was unavailable (which wasn't all that often), mainly one strange boy by the name of Udon who was always in desperate need of a tissue.

"Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind but don't give me the leverage to do so."

Naruto gulped. It may not have been a well-established fact but the blond needed Konohamaru probably a lot more than the younger teen needed him. Konohamaru was like an ongoing fourteen year addiction that Naruto had absolutely no intention of giving up. The blond idly wondered how he survived twenty-six whole months without Konohamaru by his side.

Sarutobi sighed leaning forward in his chair. "Have you decided which college you want to go to?"

"Uh... to be honest I didn't really think about going to college." The principal fixed the blond with a glare that had him straighten up in his seat. "I-I... what I meant to say was—"

"Boss is going to take a year off before going to college!" Konohamaru piped in.

Blue eyes widened and Naruto turned to Konohamaru so fast he nearly caught whiplash. "Good!" The blond cleared his throat. This was exactly why he needed Konohamaru. "Uh, yeah. That's exactly right." Naruto nodded to himself, as if he were convincing himself instead of the principal. "I should take a year off to gather my thoughts and stuff, oh, and also to wait for Konohamaru."

Sarutobi rose an eyebrow, "wouldn't you have to take two years off if you wanted to attend at the same time?"

"..." The two teen exchanged glances for the second time in the span of five minutes. "No, because I still want to be his upperclassman."

Sarutobi shook his head, "sometimes I don't even know why I bother."

"Uh, gramps?" The old man looked up at his grandson, however, before he could react the bell rang and Naruto breathed a sigh of relief.

"Make sure you two get to class before you get written up." The teens slowly got to their feet intent on exiting the foreboding office. "Naruto."

The blond froze, turning back toward the principal in an exorcist-esque fashion. "Do try and stay out of trouble." The blond gulped loudly and nodded. "I'd hate to explain to your parents why their son is aimlessly wandering the streets instead of going to school... especially on his birthday."

"R-Right." Nodding once more, Naruto left the office glancing at Konohamaru leaning against the wall. "I-I'm sorry I got you in trouble."

"Its cool. I just hope gramps doesn't try to separate us or anything."

"Yeah..." Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, "that would suck. I mean, you're my best friend. What am I supposed to do without you? Where am I going to escape to when I don't want to hear my mom nag? Who's going to challenge my ramen eating record? Or ride on my tandem bicycle?"

Konohamaru chuckled. "I get it boss, I mean a lot to you. The feeling is mutual, ya know?" The opened his eyes and blinked trying to figure out just what the hell Naruto was doing – or trying to do. The blond had his arms stretched out but seemed frozen on the spot, either torn between hugging the brunet or choking him.

Konohamaru scratched his cheek. "Boss?" The brunet waved a hand in front of Naruto's face. "Are you alright?"

"Uh-huh." Sighing, Naruto dropped his hands. "You... you just looked so cute."

"I think you need help."

"Hey! That's just rude!"

"Oh, come on, boss I didn't mean anything by it!" Pouting, the blond folded his arms over his chest. "Please don't pout! I'm sorry!"

Naruto was about to respond when he saw something bright flash in front of his eyes. "Boss—" Naruto covered the brunet's mouth.

"Did you see that? It looked like some kind of dog..." Konohamaru muffled his reply into Naruto's hand. "I'm going to check it out."

The brunet released the hand holding his mouth captive. "Wait a minute! What do you mean? You told gramps you'd go to class!"

"I will... right after this, I promise!" Grabbing the fourteen-year-old's hand, Naruto hopped the wall into the courtyard bringing the brunet along with him. "And I never go back on my word!"

Konohamaru sighed allowing himself to be led into the heart of the courtyard. "You said a dog, right? Maybe its a stray."

"Maybe... we can probably pet it before calling someone. Just don't make so much noise to scare it away."

"Boss you're telling me not to make too much noise?"

Naruto glared at him for a moment, "just start looking." The two teens aimlessly scoured the entire courtyard attempting to find the dog Naruto saw earlier.

"Hm?" Konohamaru looked down. "Boss!" He screamed then immediately covered his own mouth. Naruto skeptically glanced over in Konohamaru's direction before trudging over there.

"What is it?" Konohamaru pointed down at the red-orange creature curled up in the fetal position over a bright green patch of grass.

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Why is this grass lighter than the rest of it?"

Konohamaru elbowed him, "that's what you're concerned about? This thing isn't a dog, its a fox!"

"A what?" Without warning the fox's blood red eyes snapped open and the creature lunged forward Naruto attaching itself to his face.

"Ah!" Konohamaru screamed trying to pull the fox off Naruto's face. After a few failed attempts Konohamaru managed to get the fox off the seventeen-year-old's face, unfortunately the fox's claws had sunk into Naruto's face boring three large marks onto his cheeks.

"B-Boss?" Konohamaru paled watching the blood pool down from Naruto's face. "I-I'll call gramps!"

"Wait!" Naruto grabbed his hand ignoring the blood dribbling down his face onto his hand. "He'll just take you away from me."

"B-But that's got to hurt. There's got to be something I can— ooh, I got it!" The brunet reached into Naruto's backpack and got the blond's fanny pack taking out a small first aid kit. As the blond was extremely accident prone he began carrying a first aid kit as a means of fixing his injuries himself.

Konohamaru pulled out a few wet naps from the blond's bag and pressed them against Naruto's cheeks.

"Fuck!" He screamed immediately recoiling from the brunet. "T-That shit burns Konohamaru!"

"S-Sorry, I didn't see any regular disinfectants." Groaning, the blond cradled his bloody, slightly swollen cheeks. "Do you want the cold compress?"

"N-No!" The blond took a step backwards as Konohamaru stepped forward. "I'm go—" Naruto froze feeling nothing behind his left foot, but lost his balance as Konohamaru kept walking and collided into him.

So both boys toppled over into a the fox's tiny hole that they couldn't possibly fit in under normal circumstances and seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Naruto managed to grab the top of the hole with his left hand, thankfully his stronger hand, and he had Konohamaru's hand, which was slowly slipping out of his grasp, in his right hand. "Konohamaru, what ever you do don't let go of my hand! Understand?"

"I can't! I-I should have done more pull-ups in P.E.!"

"Dammit, just hold on!"

"I'm sorry."

"What?" Naruto's eyes widened as Konohamaru's hand slowly freed itself from his and the fourteen-year-old plunged down the hall into the darkness below. "Konohamaru!" The blond didn't even think twice before letting go of the ground and going after the brunet.

…

Sarutobi's eyes widened as he felt a sharp pang in his chest. "Is everything alright?" The old man stared into the concerned red eyes of his daughter-in-law/secretary Kurenai.

"No." He replied taking out a giant pearl from the top right drawer in his desk.

Kurenai approached the pearl looking into it. "I-Is that supposed to be a crystal ball?"

The old man shook his head. "It... it helps me keep track of Konohamaru's ki." Kurenai rose an eyebrow skeptically. "It was a gift from an old friend. But more importantly, I can't feel it. Konohamaru... its almost as though he completely disappeared off the face of this earth."

"What?" Kurenai gasped. "S-So he's—"

"No. He isn't dead." Kurenai sighed in relief. "I would have been able to sense that."

"So what happened?"

"I have an idea." Kurenai and Sarutobi turned toward the doorway watching Asuma, Sarutobi's second son and Kurenai's husband, approach them. "I felt it too. Remember when aniki went back home, I felt that empty feeling you have now. Konohamaru must have been taken to that place."

"Impossible! There was no way he could go without a portal being opened!"

Kurenai looked back and forth between the father and son. "Excuse me, I'm not sure I understand what's going on..."

"Remember when he met and I told you I was from another world but you blamed it on a drunken stupor?" Kurenai nodded meekly. "Well it was the truth believe it or not. I was born in a place called Konohagakure, as was my father." He gestured to the old man Kurenai was now staring at. "Konohamaru was born here, but he still has some Konohagakuren roots—"

"So what you're saying is... he's gone to your birthplace?" Asuma nodded. "But why? I mean, what tides does he have there?"

"I'm not sensing Naruto's ki either so that must be it."

Kurenai rose an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Naruto. This ball, it doesn't just help me find Konohamaru when he's getting into trouble, it also helps me sense the ki of those that have some Konohagakuren blood in them."

"So Naruto is from there too?"

"Not Naruto. His father Minato." Kurenai's eyes widened as she turned back to Asuma. "We grew up together. Well, he was a few years older, but I digress. Minato is also from Konohagakure... in fact his parents are the rulers."

"Oh... oh! So Naruto is royalty in another world?"

"Shh!" Asuma covered his wife's mouth. "Yes. Someone must have illegally opened a portal from Konohagakure to Earth."

Kurenai mumbled incoherently until Asuma slowly released her mouth. "B-But who would do that? And illegally?"

"There are laws for inter-worldly travel. Royalty or not, everyone has to obey them or face the consequences."

"Again, who would do this?"

"None other than Naruto's own grandmother."

Asuma and Kurenai turned to the old man. "His grandmother?" Sarutobi nodded folding his arms over the desk.

…

Blue eyes snapped open and Naruto looked up at the yellow-greenish scenery above. It was as beautiful as it was odd. The blond felt as though he could stare at what he assumed to be the sky forever but upon remembering Konohamaru's plunge into the depths of darkness below, he immediately bolted upright into a sitting position ignoring the throbbing pain in his head. Still, as much as his head hurt it wasn't as painful as that time he nearly dented the school's flagpole after that fight earlier this school year.

Groaning, Naruto wobbly stood up and surveyed his surroundings. It looked like some kind of oddly colored forest. The tree roots were purple, a few branches were white, and all the leaves and grass were either pink or red. All in all the entire scenario appeared to be colored in by a sugar-high five-year-old. But the worst part of this possibly seizure-inducing place was that Konohamaru was nowhere in sight – not that much of anything was visible past the bright colors.

But he didn't really need sight to find Konohamaru. Naruto never admitted this out loud to anyone, but he could always track the fourteen-year-old by his scent. He didn't know why, or how it was even possible, but that was always the way it was. It didn't mean Konohamaru had some sort of unusual or offending odor it was just clear to point out regardless of where the boy was; which was why Naruto always found him when playing hide-and-seek or any other hiding game... that and Konohamaru was usually a terrible hider.

Unfortunately, his olfactory senses must have been dulled with the fall because Konohamaru's scent was nowhere to be found. Not even a subtle trace of it was around.

While Naruto didn't find a whiff of Konohamaru, he did manage to pick up a few unusual scents as well as one he had been craving for weeks. His parents were separated (even though they were never really married), however despite their differences they were next door neighbors. Even though he was legally living with his mother he spent more time with his father and paternal grandfather. This strange situation would only increase as both parents got banned from the local supermarket ...for fighting one another.

And as there were no noodle shops remotely close to where he lived and Sarutobi rarely allowed Konohamaru to partake in the consumption of junk food; needless to say Naruto was in the worst ramen withdrawal in history. Nearly four whole months without that sweet, sweet ambrosia slithering down his throat and filling his belly.

So the seventeen-year-old allowed his nose to carry him to the spot where the ramen was being held. Coincidentally, this also helped him get out of the forest in one piece.

Eyes narrowing, Naruto looked at the tiny ramen stand practically held in the middle of nowhere. Shrugging, Naruto approached the stand and sat on the stool. A middle-aged man was behind the stand smiling and when he saw Naruto his smile got even bigger. "Minato-kun, is that you? Boy, you haven't aged one bit in what... nearly twenty years." The man's eyebrows furrowed. "If anything you look a little younger ...and what happened to your face?"

Naruto waited for the man to finish his monologue before replying. Although he didn't understand what the man actually said, but he did understand the word Minato. "Uh, I'm not Minato."

The man blankly stared at the teen for a moment before disappearing then reappearing with a wet cloth, pressing it against the blond's cheeks. "My name is Na-ru-to. Can you tell me where I am?"

The man continued to stare and Naruto sighed. Despite being born and raised in Maringá and descending from both a Japanese man and a Japanese-Brazilian woman, Naruto didn't know shit about the Japanese language or culture aside from what he learned from the occasional manga. In fact, the only reason why he knew the man was even speaking Japanese was because of the honorific. Had the man been speaking in Esperanto, or Spanish then Naruto might have had a better shot at understanding him. English or even Portuguese would have been the icing on the cake, but Naruto knew he wasn't that lucky. Konohamaru was usually there to breach the language barrier, but seeing as how he was looking for Konohamaru he had to figure this one out on his own.

"Ramen." Naruto said pointing to one of the pictures on the counter top. The man nodded and smiled before shuffling to the back. His father was right, apparently ramen consumption was a universal language.

The man returned a short while later with a large, steaming bowl of noodle filled goodness and a small rectangular piece of paper. Naruto stared at the delectable looking bowl cursing his lack of silverware when the man pulled out an identical piece of paper opening it, revealing two chopsticks inside.

As the two couldn't understand one another verbally the man relied on physical actions. He broke apart the chopsticks and mimicked the action of putting them into the bowl and picking up some noodles. Naruto always considered himself somewhat of a fast learner so he nodded and attempted to pick up the noodles the way the man showed him.

After three unsuccessful attempts, he got a bunch of noodles between the chopsticks and happily slurped them down. The blond beamed uncontrollably. This ramen was way better than the instant stuff he was used to gorging down.

The man seemed to sense this and smiled. "Teuchi." He said nodding. Still slurping his ramen, Naruto nodded slowly.

In record time the blond polished off his bowl and was rewarded with another. Naruto didn't know how to properly thank the man for his hospitality as the only Japanese custom he ever learned, not from manga, was seiza and that would be hard to do on a stool so he kept nodding his appreciation.

Sometime during the transition of his third and fourth bowl the stool two spaces to the left of his had become occupied by a guy with gravity defying silver hair and a navy surgical mask covering the bridge of his nose and everything downward on his face.

"Teuchi-san." The suspicious newcomer spoke calmly. When the man approached the strange man, he ordered something off the menu but the whole thing was such a blur Naruto didn't even bother trying to keep up.

Teuchi placed a medium sized steaming noodle filled bowl in front of the man who clapped his hands together with his chopsticks, said something inaudible, broke the chopsticks apart, then began eating.

Naruto made a mental note to do that the next time he got food, minus the words he couldn't understand.

"Kakashi-san..." Teuchi whispered, leaning toward the man. "He sure looks like Minato-kun, hm?"

The man slowly turned to his right, registering Naruto's existence for the first time since he sat down. True enough, the strange child oddly resembled his sensei. Namikaze Minato, perhaps the greatest man to ever exist in the Konohagakuren kingdom. The man who earned the nickname the 'yellow flash' the invincible combatant that taught Kakashi every fighting move he had ever learned. The very same man to brutally stomp all over his, at the time, eight-year-old heart by disappearing for nearly twenty years without so much as a goodbye.

"Sake." Kakashi replied turning back to Teuchi. Strong resemblance or not, that couldn't be Minato. This ki was completely different, almost unnatural and completely incorrigible. Minato always had this calm, ethereal ki that uplifted one's spirit. Then again, nineteen years in the Terran world could create insurmountable changes.

Teuchi left the bottle in front of the silver-haired man and disappeared to the back to do some dishes and presumably make more food for Naruto. Not only was the ki completely off-kilter but the appetite left something to be desired. Minato never ate in such a ravenous fashion; however, the boy ate as though he had been starved for weeks. Then again, this was merely the first impression but regardless - this kid was pissing Kakashi off and he didn't even know why.

Sighing, Kakashi slipped into the empty stool between them and downed the rest of his sake. Giant blue eyes stared skeptically at him and the boy tilted his head adorably to the left.

The blond opened his mouth and Kakashi couldn't understand the words that came out. It sounded like static clogging into his ears. Kakashi would never find out the boy's connection and reason for looking like Minato if they couldn't understand one another so the silver-haired man gently placed a hand on Naruto's forehead and shocked the poor teen with enough ki that it knocked him off the stool and onto the ground.

"What the hell?" The blond shouted scrambling to his feet.

"Looks like it worked." Kakashi replied calmly drinking his sake while watching the teen beside him get into the stool wearily eying him. "I'm Hatake Kakashi, adviser to our heika and member of the Konohagakuren council... and you are?"

The blond blinked. "I understood that?"

"Of course you did. I had to readjust some of your brain waves to transmit our language to you; oddly enough it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be."

"Uh... okay. Isn't there any other way to do that besides hitting me?"

"Nope. I'm afraid not." Naruto growled. "Now, would you be so kinda as to identify yourself? We can't have you wandering around the kingdom unnamed can we?"

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto."

Kakashi's left eyebrow twitched. Uzumaki wasn't a surname he was familiar with so he couldn't use his photographic memory for assistance.

"Ah!" Naruto spun around on his stool noticing that his backpack wasn't near him and he honestly didn't remember seeing in in that forest either. "Shit!" He took a deep breath and turned to Kakashi. "I lost my best friend, he has short brown hair and wears goggles atop them. He answers by the name Konohamaru..." Naruto frowned, "but if I couldn't understand this language he probably wouldn't be able to either."

"Hmm... I suppose I could take you to the heika to ease your worries."

"The who-ka?"

"Heika, our kingdom's leader. She is a wise and powerful, albeit scary, woman. If she can't help you then no one can."

Naruto stood up quickly finishing off his bowl. "Lets go!"

…

A few hours later, Naruto found himself staring up in awe at the gigantic palace looming over head. It had taken officially five hours to get to the ramen stand to the place where they stood right now. The silver-haired man had to give the seventeen-year-old a piggyback ride halfway through as he nearly collapsed from exhaustion once before actually collapsing.

The blond rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly as Kakashi set him down. "T-Thanks. All that walking really took a toll on my legs."

"Whoa, whoa! Just where have you been Kakashi-san?" The guard on the left asked twirling around the toothpick in his mouth. "The heika's been bitching to us for hours man, _hours_!"

The silver-haired man shrugged. "You know, Genma-kun, just here and there. But I did pick up a nice little present for the heika though. It should stop said bitching." He grabbed Naruto's forearm pulling the teen in front of him.

"A sacrifice?" The guard on the right asked leaning to the left to get a better look at the blond.

"What? No."

"Really?" Genma took the toothpick out of his mouth and spun it around between his thumb and index fingers. "Then perhaps he's another servant?"

"Some bum you found scouring our kingdom?" The guard on the right cracked his knuckles. "Maybe we shouldn't bother Tsunade-sama, she's already in a bad mood."

"I agree Raidou-chan." Genma put the toothpick back in his mouth and cracked his knuckles as well. "He might be some kind of spy and we have to protect our kingdom."

The gate opened and a timid looking noirette appeared. "Hatake-san there you—" The woman blinked at Naruto, "and who might this be?"

"Uh—"

Kakashi clamped a hand over Naruto's mouth. "Its a surprise Shizune-san." He pushed Naruto passed the woman and into the palace.

"Come on Raidou-chan we have to see this." Genma pulled his partner and Shizune behind the gate then closed it before shuffling behind Kakashi.

Kakashi and co. walked down the seemingly endless hallway until they reached the silver double doors of the heika's throne room. Ignoring the multiple gulps heard behind him, Kakashi knocked on the door.

"Enter!" The powerful, audibly irritated voice commanded.

Kakashi slowly opened the door walking inside followed by Naruto and everyone else would crowded behind Naruto, who incidentally wasn't much cover.

Red painted nails irritably tapped the throne handle. Genma, Raidou, and Shizune cowered further behind the blond. "Where have you been Hatake?" The figure stepped down from the throne revealing an overly-endowed brown-eyed blond woman. Her pigtails swung with each powerful stride she took. Once she reached the bottom step her brown eyes widened. "Minato..." Her eyes narrowed. "No." Smirking, she folded her arms over her massive chest. "I must say, this puts me in a good mood."

The trio shrunk back further. "Shizune!"

Flinching, the woman slowly appeared from behind Naruto. "Y-Yes Tsunade-sama?"

"This is a special occasion, bring us some sake!"

"R-Right away!"

"I'll help!" Genma screamed following Shizune.

"Me too!" Raidou replied running after them.

Once the trio left the room, the blond turned her attention back to Naruto. "Its about time you got here gaki." She took a few steps forward until she was face-to-breasts with the teen. "The resemblance is uncanny..."

"Gaki... hey, who the hell are you calling a brat lady?"

Grinning, the blond began pinching and stretching Naruto's cheeks. "I believe I'm calling you, Namikaze Naruto, a gaki."

Kakashi turned toward Tsunade wide-eyed. "Namikaze? He told me his surname was Uzumaki."

"Hm? Well I suppose it would be considering he's been in the custody of his Earthican mother but changing a surname is relatively easy." Tsunade's grin widened as she released Naruto's face. "At least compared to what else I have planned."

"Tsunade-sama, if the boy's surname is also Namikaze exactly what is his relationship to you?"

The blond rolled her eyes. "Oh come on Hatake, I figured you of all creatures would be able to realize that the boy is Minato's son."

"How do you know my father?"

"I think I should know the identity of my own son." Tsunade sighed, "jeez I must be surrounded by idiots."

"You're my grandmother?"

"Grandfather. How did you get those marks on your face."

"A fox scratched me." Blinking, Naruto did a double take at Tsunade. "Did you say you were my grandfather?" Tsunade nodded and Naruto pointed a finger accusingly at her. "H-How could you be my grandfather ...y-y-you're a woman?"

"Idiot!" Tsunade cuffed the teen on the head. "I am your grandfather because the one who gave birth to Minato is your grandmother."

"B-B-But—"

"Quit your bitching gaki. I, Namikaze Tsunade – the kingdom of Konohagakure's current heika – will happily teach you everything you need to know." The blond cracked her knuckles. "Now, as I have no idea how those portals work—"

"Hold up a sec, uh... gramps? My best friend Konohamaru disappeared into the fox hole before I did and I have no idea where he is."

Tsunade rose an eyebrow. "A fox hole?"

"That's how I got here. This crazy ass fox appeared, scratched my face, then disappeared into some hole that we fell into. I tried to hold onto Konohamaru but he said something about not doing enough pull-ups then he slipped out of my hand and I went in after him."

"I see...I don't think the old man would like to hear his grandson's gone missing."

"How did you know that?"

"Well how else did you think I knew your name?" Naruto blinked, clearly confused by the question. "I've been keeping tabs on Minato and the old man since they entered that world. I know almost everything there is to know about you, from an objective standpoint." Tsunade sighed. "As I was saying, I have no idea how the portals work so unfortunately I don't know where Konohamaru is or if he's even here at all. More to the point I'm not exactly sure how you got here."

"Wh-What do you mean?"

"Usually, there has to be a portal open on each side to clearly access travel between the worlds. Sarutobi wouldn't have opened a portal without telling me and I didn't open one here."

"I didn't mean that. I meant about Konohamaru!"

"Oh, that. Well, he could have easily fallen into a different part of the world – fortunately for you the Konohagakuren kingdom makes up ninety percent thanks to my productive business tactics."

"What about the other ten percent?"

"That would be the colony of Sunagakure. It isn't a big place but it takes about ten days to get there; it was comprised of idiots attempting to free themselves from my laws." Naruto gulped. "Now." Tsunade clapped her hands together startling Naruto. "Being the current Senju-Namikaze…Terumī heir you'll undergo a secret heika initiation."

"I'm sorry." The blond scratched his cheek, ignoring the stinging he felt. "You want me to become the king of a place – no I'm sorry a _world – _I know nothing about and haven't even been in more than ten hours?"

"Ah. Like father like son." Tsunade shook her head. "Kakashi!"

The silver-haired man shook out of his stupor to stare at the blond. "See what's keeping those idiots with my sake." Kakashi nodded wordlessly and left the throne room.

"What's that guy's relationship to my dad? He seemed kinda out of it when you said I was your grandson."

"Hatake? Oh, don't worry about him he's just your father's mate." Naruto's jaw dropped and Tsunade facepalmed. "That's right. I couldn't possibly expect you to understand what I mean. Okay..." She sighed, "your mate is the creature predetermined or destined to belong to you. No matter how much you hate one another you will always have that deep connection that neither of you fully understand; fortunately one does not have to stay committed to their mate."

"You mean like a soul mate?"

"Yes, but your soul has very little to do with it. Its already woven into your DNA who's completely compatible with you, and you'll only know who it is when you two meet. Its different for everyone, but the general symptoms are mild nausea, clammy palms, and uncontrollable shaking."

"That doesn't sound very ...pleasant."

"Being with your mate never is."

"You sound like you've been spurned." Tsunade's right eye twitched. "Heh... uh—"

"I suppose you could say I'm the one that did the 'spurning.' My mate was—"

"Oi! Tsun-Tsun—"

Tsunade sighed, "—a complete and total bitch."

Naruto turned toward the doorway where a woman almost as endowed as Tsunade merrily strode into the throne room clutching an extremely large bottle. "I come baring gifts!" The redhead happily made her way to Tsunade stopping midway to stare at Naruto narrowing her eyes at him. "I think Mina shrunk."

"That's not Minato you idiot, its gaki."

"Gaki?" The woman tilted her head then her green eyes widened. "Oh my gosh, that gaki! Our gaki?" Beaming, she ran over to Naruto and embraced him, smothering the poor teen with her ample chest. "He's so damn adorable! Just like Mina!"

Tsunade sighed. "I don't think he can breathe."

"Hm?" The woman reluctantly released Naruto watching him crumple to the floor. "So, what's he doing here?"

"Excellent question." The redhead sighed and shrugged. "What did you do Mei?"

"Nothing. I just got sick and tired of waiting—"

"So you hacked into the portals!"

"Not hacked." Mei shrugged, "okay I hacked, big deal."

"Did you know Sarutobi's grandson was there too?"

"Asuma?"

"Grandson, Mei. Konohamaru ...the one named after Konohagakure?"

"Ah!" Green eyes narrowed. "I had no idea who was there, it just sort of happened. But enough about that what happened to his face?"

"He got scratched by a fox, and don't change the damn subject. I should have your ass imprisoned for endangering the lives of two brats."

"What? W-Wait a second, you're the one that wanted to retire. I'm simply speeding up the process."

"If you had any sense you'd—"

"Wait!" Naruto screeched getting to his feet. "Gramps, who is this woman?"

"Oh, how rude of me." Mei bowed. "I am Terumī Mei, your grandmother~ a pleasure to meet you."

Naruto stared, looking between the two women pointing at Tsunade. "You impregnated another woman?"

"Well I'm a special case." Mei interrupted. "You see, its normally the men who conceive here." Naruto stared at her disbelievingly. "Women are incredibly fragile and are easily outnumbered by a ratio of one to one-hundred. As men have a more solid frame they are simply better suited for the gestation period which involves—"

"Hold on there a sec, uh...lady." Mei huffed and Naruto turned to Tsunade. "Men... with other men?" The blond nodded. "So you two—"

"I don't want to talk about it, I'm not even sure how it happened."

"What are you talking about? When two beings engage in coitus—"

"That's not what we meant?"

"Damn, you two are high-strung." Mei shook her head. "Clearly related."

"Anyway, gaki, lets dress your wounds." Tsunade grabbed the stunned teen by the arm dragging him out of the throne room.

…

Tsunade gently placed the bandage over Naruto's cheeks patting them. "Now you understand what I said about mates."

"No offense, but she seems kinda crazy."

"She is. Fortunately, neither you nor Minato take after her."

"If that woman is my grandmother what's my relationship to Jiraiya? I mean, he was supposed to be my grandfather right?"

"Jiraiya is a friend of the family, as for your relationship to him you are his godson. Listen Naruto, I understand this is a lot to take in and it'll be even more when you're initiated."

"You're not going to let this initiation thing go, are you?" Tsunade shook her head. "But I'm only seventeen, what kind of king could I be?"

"You're my grandson. I wouldn't let you do this if I didn't think you were ready." Naruto frowned. "I'm not expecting perfection from you, whatever you do will be fine. And as king you could send out a search party to look for Konohamaru."

"Play the power card?" Tsunade nodded. "So, its pointless to ask to return to Earth then right?"

"Now you're catching on. Besides, you only need Konohamaru to survive right?"

"T-That's not entirely true! I know my parents aren't the best in the world but they're the best I've ever had... not to mention the only."

"Your dad is a native, so he's obviously coming but we can't allow a true blood outsider here. This might come as a shock to you, but she knows." With the confusion evident of Naruto's face Tsunade continued. "I told her shortly after your birth and she insisted on having Minato stay to be one giant happy family. I'm not entirely sure if she ever intended on telling you."

"Oh..."

"You've lived in your mother's world for seventeen years, don't you think you should try and see your father's side of things?"

"When you put it that way how can I say no?" Tsunade smirked and Naruto sighed. "My head hurts... oh! But if you said dad is coming why not wait for him? I mean, wouldn't he make a better king than me?"

"Surprisingly no. Furthermore, we made a pact when you were born whichever one of you returned (or in your case came) first they would be crowned king."

"Okay. Just to make sure I'm caught up with everything you said lets back track. I fell into a fox hole and appeared in a world I have never heard of and could barely speak the language of where I am basically the crowned prince?" Tsunade nodded. "Men normally conceive children in the manner that women do on Earth, and ironically I have two female grandparents?" Tsunade nodded once more. "Plus, I have to be the king of said world as its in my blood?" Tsunade nodded again.

"I'm not expecting you to take this all in stride. Hell, I would be surprised if you did."

"Are you sure this isn't some sort of deluded fantasy? Or a role-playing game?"

Tsunade shook her head. "Its real; and you, Namikaze Naruto, will be the fifty-third king of Konohagakure."


	2. The Heika's Word is Law

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor do I own Humpty Dumpty – which this title was unwittingly taken from; furthermore, I do not own the books or films of the same name. Oh, and I also do not own Kyou Kara Maou nor Sex Pistols (the manga) which partially inspired the creation of this story. I also realized that this story (and its predecessors) was subconsciously inspired by Alice's Adventures In Wonderland and its sequel Through The Looking-Glass.

_A/N: [just a reminder] Heika means both emperor and your majesty – the definition used here, clearly, is the latter (as it can also be used to describe a king); Denka means your highness._

* * *

><p>"<em>The monarchy is a political referee, not a political player, and there is a lot of sense in choosing the referee by a different principle from the players. It lessens the danger that the referee might try to start playing."<br>-Conrad Russell_

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><p>Naruto stood in front of his full length mirror grimacing while ignoring the stinging he felt in his bandaged left arm. Not even ten minutes ago the blond was heavily sedated while getting the Konohagakuren symbol adorned on his left arm – the symbol (a weird swirl-like thing) was step one of two for the whole heika initiation thing. Naruto wasn't certain if one should be drugged prior to getting a needle administered in your bloodstream but as he kept thrashing about due to his trypanophobia Tsunade felt as though she didn't have a choice. Or maybe she just wanted to shut him up.<p>

Naruto still wasn't completely sure about becoming the heika, yet he bared the symbol that the fifty-two heikas before him wore. If he was going to live here he might as well be king, right? The second step of initiation was, of course, the coronation: consisting of the passing of the heika robe and the official unveiling of his tattoo.

Fortunately, he didn't have to make any fancy speeches or shake hands with the commoners until his arms were numb. However, dealing with all those things and more was definitely better than wearing this gaudy _...thing!_

He was reluctantly donned in the heika's imperial robe: it was an orange and beige robe that was at least two sizes too big for him, but the worst part was the oversized hat that kept flopping in front of or behind his head.

Before the tattooing and robing, Naruto and Tsunade had caught up for the past seventeen years and drank – even though Naruto wasn't legal in either world.

"I must say gaki, you look cute." Horrified, Naruto glanced back at the offending garment before looking back at his paternal grandfather. Intense fear aside, Naruto enjoyed the time he spent bonding with Tsunade earlier. There was something about the odd woman that instantly clicked with the teen and vice versa. "Cheer up, I didn't like wearing that awful thing either." The blond glanced at the tailor fixing the hem of Naruto's robe. "No offense Yamato." The man sighed while resuming his work.

"Gaki, I promise this isn't an everyday thing. Other than today, you'll just have to wear it during meetings with your council ...which you don't have to worry about now."

The seventeen-year-old sighed and slumped his shoulders. Another thing he realized about Tsunade was that she was incredibly manipulative and that was probably where he got it from.

The blond clapped her hands together. "Come on, come on. I'm still officially the heika here so lets hurry the hell up!"

The other kimono-clad men assisting Yamato shuffled around wildly.

"When is this thing supposed to happen?" Naruto asked while the kimono men measured him, dressed him in another outfit, then put the heika's robe over it ...Naruto was certain one of the men, or even a few of them, felt him up during the whole robing and disrobing process.

"Soon." Tsunade clapped her hands together and everyone – safe for Yamato – disappeared in the blink of an eye.

"As heika you'll have to appoint your own council – I mean advisers." The blond tapped her chin in thought, "and you'll need one of those."

Naruto watched as, if on cue, the timid noirette from before appear with a tray full of sake. "How is everything Naruto-kun?"

"Uh... fine I guess, all things considered."

"I never got he chance to properly introduce myself." The woman placed the tray down on a table and bowed. "Its a pleasure to meet you soon-to-be heika, I'm Shizune."

"Now remember gaki you can't have Shizune."

Shizune sighed and shook her head, "honestly Tsunade-san. Oh, I almost forgot what I came in here for." She cleared her throat. "The preparations for Naruto-kun are complete."

Tsunade smirked. "Excellent. Lets go gaki, your kingdom awaits."

…...

Naruto looked up in awe as he followed Tsunade into the palace's library. Sure, the blond didn't make it a habit to go to the so-called house of books as Konohamaru often put it but no library he'd ever seen, or even heard of, was even a tenth of the size of this one. The seventeen-year-old wordlessly deposited himself into a seat near one of the large bookshelves.

"Why are we here?"

Tsunade turned around and slammed a book down on the table. "Time for a history lesson." Naruto rose an eyebrow. "There are certain things you should know before you make a fool out of the Namikaze name."

"But I thought you said you'd be proud of me no matter what I do?"

"I did, and now I'm saying this." Tsunade sat in the chair in front of Naruto pulling him closer by the collar of his robe. "As the soon-to-be former heika lots of creatures will be comparing your ideals to mine so first and foremost don't make me out to be the villain."

Naruto paled as Tsunade repeatedly tugged on his collar with every word she said. It didn't really matter what he did, he saw how the servants and guards of the castle cowered whenever the blond's name was mentioned, there was no way he could be more of a villain than Tsunade in their eyes.

"I'm going to tell you five things I wished my father had told me before turning over his position." Naruto gulped. "Number one: there is a dungeon located on the lowest level of this palace. Use it! Number two: every sob story that steps into those double doors isn't entirely legit; under no circumstances are you to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Understand?" Naruto nodded slowly. "Number three: don't gamble on an empty stomach. Number four: don't trust the council. No matter what they say they are not looking out for your 'best interest' nor are they doing anything for the 'good of the kingdom.' Finally and most importantly, if you should ever treat me like one of your lackeys I will be forced to reclaim my position as I will kill you. Is that clear?"

"C-Crystal."

"Good. Now after your coronation we'll look into finding your committee/advisers."

Naruto nodded. "W-Wait a minute, I thought the first order of business was to find Konohamaru?"

"If you're that adamant about it we'll send out the search party first; then we will look into finding your advisers."

"Okay—"

Tsunade clamped a hand over the blond's mouth. "First things first. Time for your coronation!"

…...

The whole coronation left something to be desired. As Tsunade stated it was just the crowning and the revealing of his tattoo. An entire field of villagers gathered in front of the palace to watch the fifty-third king of Konohagakure be crowned live. The redhead, who he still had a little trouble calling grandma, wasn't kidding when she said women were seriously outnumbered, Naruto didn't spot a single member of the fairer sex in his audience – though he could have been fooled several times by some of the more effeminate males.

Before the coronation began an inexplicably large man appeared and gave Tsunade the necessary paperwork she required to have the teen's surname legally changed to Namikaze. Once that was taken care of Tsunade asked the teen a few questions which he answered pledging his loyalty to the kingdom of Konohagakure and the land – coincidentally of the same name – then the crown was placed atop his head by his predecessor and grandfather then he was disrobed, slightly, in order to reveal the symbol tattooed on his left arm. The crowed oohed and ahhed then Tsunade made this fancy speech ending the thing and dispersing the crowd.

Tsunade and a group of scary buff guys, led by the large man from before, casually walked the former heika and the current heika to the throne room. The chair Tsunade sat on yesterday was removed and replaced with a smaller chair.

Naruto turned toward the buxom blond. "Why did you move the chair?"

"Because its mine." Shaking her head the blond strode forward pulling Naruto along in the process. "Now sit." She shoved her grandson into the chair and removed his crown. The tall, scarred man walked up to Naruto taking the crown from Tsunade.

"Namikaze-tono." He bowed. "I am Morino Ibiki, head of the interrogation and specialties committee as well as the leader of your counsel. It is an honor to meet you."

"Likewise."

Ibiki placed the crown in a crystal box on the left of the king's chair, the heika's official hat was placed on a hat hanger atop of the chair.

"Um, gramps, what's the point of having the heika hat if I have the crown?"

Tsunade shrugged. "Don't ask me that's the way its always been, but its not like you wear both at the same time."

"Tsunade-sama, the heika's resemblance to Minato-san is uncanny."

Tsunade sighed. "Yeah, it is. Its actually rather frightening."

It was at that time that Naruto's stomach chose to growl. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck as Tsunade and Ibiki stared at him. "Heh... oops."

"Now that I think about it you haven't eaten anything since we've met yesterday, you did drink though."

"I did have a few bowls of ramen before Kakashi-san brought me here. Ooh, lets go get some!"

"What? Ramen? In Konoha? Where?"

"Yeah... it was a stand outside the palace. I think it took about five or six hours to get here from there."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "Tsunade-sama he must be referring to Ichiraku, the stand owned by Teuchi-san."

"You recklessly ate foreign food?"

"Ramen isn't foreign! I used to eat it all the time, before mom and dad got banned from the grocery store. B-Besides I haven't eaten it in four months!"

"Idiot! Rule number six: never, and I mean _never_, eat anything unless it has been proven safe! That's what you have advisers for. What if this Teuchi creature tried to poison you? Or drug you?"

"W-Why would he do that?"

"You bare a few resemblances to me and even greater ones to Minato, and we both have a lot of enemies." Naruto gulped and Tsunade sighed. "You appear to be fine but just in case lets get you a check-up."

"Say what?"

…...

**Doctors**. It was a well-established fact that doctors were sadists with a superiority complex; their idea of enjoyment was found in the pain and suffering of their patients whom they often deemed as inferior genetic scum. Naruto was never a fan of doctors and as someone who was often sent to one for injuries ranging from miniscule to fatal the blond knew what he was talking about. Pain was like a drug to them or a highly effective aphrodisiac. Not only were doctors sadistic but their treatment was often expensive to boot.

After hearing he was getting a check-up Naruto ran. Literally. Unfortunately, Tsunade had grabbed him before he could get too far then physically dragged him to the place that suspiciously looked nothing like a doctor's office. "Don't be a baby Naruto." Tsunade chided. "I'll be back."

"W-Wait, you're leaving me?"

"Hey, I'm not the heika anymore its time for me to relax!" Naruto gaped as the blond happily strode off whistling. The blond gulped, shaking on the stool waiting for the arrival of his doctor. He contemplated leaving but he had this feeling Tsunade would find out and reprimand him for it.

A few minutes later a bluish-black haired teen, no older than Naruto, walked into the room with a large box closing the shōji door behind him with his foot. "Oh?" Gray eyes blinked at the blond. "I wasn't expecting to have a subject."

Naruto's eyes widened. "S-Subject?"

"No matter." The teen put the box down on a counter then pulled out a pair of rubber gloves and snapped them on. "Lets get to work."

"Hold on a second! I'm allergic to latex!"

Narrowing his eyes the slightly taller teen slowly peeled off the gloves depositing them into the trash can. He walked over to the sink and thoroughly washed his hands before returning to the box and pulling out a smaller unmarked box. "These gloves are latex-free." He stated approaching Naruto. The blond frowned as the teen began inspecting him. "What seems to be ailing you?"

"Ailing?" Naruto shook his head. "N-Nothing is _ailing_ me, gramps just told me to get a check-up since I ate foreign food yesterday."

He stared at the blond for a moment before walking over to a strange machine turning it on. "Strip."

"E-Excuse me?"

The bluish-black haired teen cracked his gloved knuckles. "I can't give you an x-ray with what you're wearing."

"Is that a joke? X-rays can go through clothes!"

"I don't know what sort of x-rays you've seen but your weird clothes will definitely interfere with the machine."

"My clothes aren't weird!" Naruto looked down at his so called 'weird' clothes. He was wearing an exact replica of his gakuran because his original was dirtied due to his fall. Yamato truly was a talented man to be able to sew a copy so well just seeing the original outfit once.

"Look, who is the medic here?" Naruto's right eye twitched. "Now I blatantly refuse to examine you in that ...thing."

"Fine!" The blond growled hopping off the stool and taking off his gakuran duplicate leaving only his plain black undershirt and green and orange boxers. "Is this better?"

"I find your choice of underwear laughable, but it'll have to do." The medic jerked his thumb toward the machine. "Go stand over there completely still."

"Sure thing." Mumbling under his breath Naruto reluctantly complied standing in front of the giant machine while the other occupant of the room put on an apron and a pair of goggles.

"You might feel a slight stinging sensation."

"What?" Naruto's eyes widened as the machine unleashed a bright, blinding flash. Being caught off guard his eyes began to water and he shut his eyes but the damage had already been done. Spots danced around in his closed eyes and when he tried to open them he saw nothing.

The blond's jaw tightened with each increasing flash of light but he remained still. When the flashes ceased Naruto opened his eyes, happy that his vision had returned even if everything was blurred. "Hey asshole you could have at least warned me!"

"I told you to stand still didn't I?"

"Yeah, but you didn't say the stupid light would temporarily blind me!"

The teen pulled his goggles over his face and atop his head. "You should have enough common sense not to look directly at an x-ray machine." Naruto bit his lip to prevent himself from lashing out at the medic.

Walking over to another machine, the medic looked at the pictures that developed from the x-ray. "Nothing appears to be wrong with you, well physically anyway." Naruto growled. "But aside from the dire need to get your head thoroughly examined, I noticed an abnormal and unfamiliar surge of ki coursing through your veins."

"Huh?"

The teen sighed putting the pictures down and rubbing his temples. "Let me put this in layman's terms for you: inside of your body there are two different, albeit compatible, forms of ki squishing around. I'm not entirely sure why but as they are both kitsune I don't see any cause for complaints, though one ki is significantly weaker than the other."

"Uh-huh. Now... what is ki?"

The teen facepalmed. "Ki is the life energy of every living being in the world."

"I see, and I have two? Both foxes."

"You are a fox, aren't you?"

The blond shrugged. "This whole thing is rather new to me. I actually came from a different world." The bluish-black haired teen stared at him clearly unconvinced. "Hey, if you don't believe me ask Tsunade-jiisan!"

"Wait a minute, the grandfather you were talking about is the heika?"

"No. The ex-heika, I'm the heika now." The teen's jaw dropped. "Oh, but I suppose you wouldn't know that seeing as how I didn't introduce myself. Then again the coronation wasn't even an hour ago."

The medic shook out of his stupor pointing a finger accusingly at the blond. "I wasn't informed of any coronation so I'm calling bullshit! Besides, how could you possibly be the heika when you don't even know what _ki _is?"

"Call it whatever you want, and I'm the heika due to my bloodline. So like it or not I'm Uzu—Namikaze Naruto; age: seventeen; occupation: heika of the kingdom of Konohagakure."

The bluish-black haired teen folded his arms over his chest inspecting the blond's face once again. "Heika or not, you're still an idiot."

"And you're still a nameless jackass."

The teen was about to retort but merely sighed. "I vehemently refuse to get into another useless altercation with you so would you be so kind as to get the fuck out of here?"

"Not quite." Blinking Naruto sighed in relief as his vision returned to normal. "As the heika, you have to do whatever I say~" The teen seethed as Naruto put his clothes back on. "I'm waiting..."

"On what, dare I ask?"

"Your name? And you say I'm the idiot?"

"Fine!" He sighed. "_Denka_. My name is Uchiha Sasuke; age: seventeen, occupation: junior medic. Are you happy now?"

"Ecstatic."

"So, Uchiha ...uh, sensei, if you're the junior medic where is the senior?"

"Please don't pretend to give a shit about my job."

"But I'm genuinely concerned." Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he looked at the giant blue eyes. "Don't make me pull out the power card again."

"Okay!" Sasuke sighed pulling out a tiny ball from a box squeezing it. "The senior medic is Orochimaru-sensei, but he's also on the counsel so I pretty much take care of everything here."

"Jiisan told me not to trust the counsel."

"That's good advice."

"Advice... advice... hey! Do you want to be my adviser?"

Sasuke rose an eyebrow. "You're kidding, right?" Naruto shook his head. "Look, denka, I appreciate the offer but I'm gonna have to decline. My occupation is a medic, I can't bother dealing with the trivialities that befall an 'adviser' to the heika."

"You won't really have to do anything, except taste food for me." Naruto tapped his chin, "Gramps didn't really specify—"

"It doesn't matter, I'm not interested! Find someone else to be your lackey."

"My adviser wouldn't be a lackey, more like an equal." Sasuke rose an eyebrow. "I'd take all your ideas into consideration, regardless if I agree or not, and your opinion would mean a lot to me."

Sasuke stared at him. "Are you shitting me?"

"Why would I? You're the first guy I've met my age since I came here yesterday. I was hoping that maybe we could be friends? You can show me around and help me learn the customs of this place."

Sasuke looked the blond up and down scowling. "I'll think about it, but if this 'job' interferes with my work I'll quit. Understand?" Naruto nodded.

"You'll barely regret it."

…...

Mei huffed walking down the corridors of the palace. How dare her own grandson not acknowledge her! He wasn't even here a full twenty-four hours and he was already bonding with Tsunade like they hadn't just met a few minutes (maybe hours) before he met her. Those Namikazes were so damn infuriating, no wonder things didn't work out between the ex-heika and herself. Pausing mid step, the redhead sighed dejectedly. Chibi-heika was Minato's identical in every way and even he preferred Tsunade to her too.

Then it didn't really matter that she brought him here accidentally instead of Minato. Still, once Minato caught wind of the situation he'd come – sure he'd be royally pissed but at least he'll be home. There wasn't anything a mother wouldn't do to have her son by her side, even if it meant sacrificing her grandson to do so.

With rejuvenated confidence, the redhead continued her stroll down the palace.

…...

"May I present to you, adviser number one, Uchiha Sasuke-sensei!" Tsunade looked the scowling teen up and down. "By the way, he says I'm fine ...for the most part. Now we can search for Konohamaru, right?"

"Easy gaki." Tsunade shook her head. "I already sent out the search party for Sarutobi's runt while you were getting checked over. So you just focus on the rest of your advisers, I want at least four more."

"Got it."

"Wait a minute. What did you mean 'for the most part?'"

Sasuke sighed taking a step forward. "ex-heika-san. Denka has two separate kis in his body. As he is a foreigner I'm not sure which one is his normal ki."

"Two kis?" Sasuke nodded. "Naruto, take the bandages off." Wordlessly, the blond slowly peeled the bandages off his cheeks and Tsunade gasped. Instead of healing with the ointment Tsunade used, the claw marks had deepened and turned slightly red giving the teen three even whiskers on each side of his face.

"Whoa." Sasuke took the flashlight out of his pocket and shined it on Naruto's face examining the marks, then wiped his index finger against it noticing the blood on his finger. Frowning, he harshly rubbed the mark only this time no blood came out. "That's odd, these marks are exhibiting their own ki."

"Kyūbi No Yōko."

Sasuke and Naruto turned to Tsunade. "What?"

"Kyūbi No Yōko, a creature of Konohagakuren folklore. It was said to bend reality, shape-shift, and travel freely between the worlds without the need of portals and the like." Tsunade sighed. "I never thought it was possible, but that creature you saw might have been a fragment of Kyūbi's power and if it scratched you there will be complications far worse than those of eating disagreeable food."

Naruto gulped. "B-But he said the ki were compatible."

"What?"

Sasuke nodded. "I'm not sure how, or even why, but they're functioning normally as if it was two separate forms of the same ki."

"Interesting. It also looks like those wounds won't heal."

"Well, they're kinda cool so its not too bad." Naruto shrugged. "I am a fox after all."

Tsunade turned to Sasuke. "You told him?"

The teen shrugged. "I figured he knew."

"Huh? Told me what?"

Tsunade sighed. "Right. I almost forgot, you – or rather the Namikaze clan – are a breed of fennec fox." Naruto's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "In fact, every being in Konoha is some sort of animal."

"B-But, other than the men having babies everyone seems so normal."

"Everyone _is_ normal. Technically you are the weird one here, you merely seem normal because your demon blood is more dominant."

"Excuse me... demon blood? My Konohagakuren blood is demon blood?"

"That's right. You, Namikaze Naruto, are a terran-demon hybrid. Just like your little buddy Konohamaru; although you are part fox and I'm not entirely sure what the hell he is."

"Konohamaru too?"

Tsunade nodded. "Sure, why else do you think he was able to come here? Now, this is very important so listen up. You can initiate a transformation without side effects, however your ki and senses are hypersensitive."

"Um... there was no part of that sentence that I understood."

Tsunade facepalmed. "This is exactly why I didn't bother explaining anything to you." The blond shook her head, "its best to just let you figure these things out on your own."

"B-B-But—"

"Get the other advisers!" Tsunade boomed making both Naruto and Sasuke flinch.

"R-Right away Tsunade-jiisan." Naruto grabbed his new adviser and ran out of the throne room. Although he wasn't entirely sure why Tsunade was in the throne room anyway.

…...

"Nice to see you get your powers of persuasion from your grandfather." Naruto glared at the smirking teen. "Now, denka, if you're really going to take my advice to heart I suggest you lose the ...thing you're wearing. You already have blond hair but your clothes make you seem even more out of place."

Naruto sighed. "I'm going to ignore the comment about my clothes, but what's wrong with my hair? Its natural, besides Jii-san has blond hair too!"

"I never doubted your hair to be natural, idiot, I'm just saying aside from your biological relative have you seen anyone else with blond hair?"

Naruto scowled shaking his head. Like Sasuke said all the heads around had a dark hair color, much like back in Maringá; the only difference was everyone here was pale as hell – and they were fused with animals. Naruto couldn't forget that part if he tried, nor could he understand it.

"Fine. You seem to know more than I do, so lead the way."

"Gladly." Sasuke grabbed Naruto's wrist and dragged him down the endless halls of the palace.

Over the course of the two hours he met Sasuke, Naruto realized he was one moody individual hellbent on destroying Naruto's gakuran copy (and possibly his original gakuran) while dressing the blond in the customary Konohagakuren noble robes. Sasuke was no Tsunade but he was scary in his own right ...plus he was a medic.

Sasuke took Naruto to his quarters, located within the castle, and as they were about the same size put him in some of his noble clothes. Four other noble clans took residence in the palace aside from the Namikaze clan; the Uchiha was one of those clans.

"There."Nodding to himself, Sasuke clapped his hands together and marveled at his work, "if this adviser thing doesn't work out I should be a part-time stylist."

"If you say so."

"So, any idea what kind of creatures you want your advisers to be? I don't want to work with a bunch of idiots." Sasuke looked Naruto up and down, "one is enough."

"I—wait! That means you'll do it?"

Sasuke sighed, "I don't have much of a choice. Your poor fashion sense make the entire kingdom look bad and as a native I can't have that."

"Basically... you're doing this for you?"

"...Pretty much, but I'm helping you in the process."

"Maybe I should rethink asking you to be my adviser."

"Too late, you're stuck with me."

"Sasu-chan~" Sasuke facepalmed. Naruto stared at the two teens that casually stepped inside Sasuke's quarters. The slightly shorter teen had spiky chocolate tresses and red triangular markings on his face – he had his hands locked behind his head and was wearing clothes that wasn't as weird or fancy as Sasuke's. In fact they seemed almost normal from Naruto's perspective; the taller teen was also wearing non fancy clothes, he had black hair that was tied up in a spiky ponytail like a pineapple. "Oh, I see that you're busy. Come on Shika, lets get some eats."

"Wait." They paused slowly turning toward Sasuke. "What did you two come in for?"

"Well I stopped by the medic center to get my daily physical." Sasuke rolled his eyes as the spiky-haired teen waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "So I figured you'd be here, on my way I ran into Shikamaru."

"Kiba." The teen in question turned toward Shikamaru. "I think that's the new heika Choji was telling me about."

Naruto gulped as three pairs of eyes landed on him. "This guy?" Kiba slowly walked over to the blond. "He looks our age, no way Tsunade-jiisan would give up the position to a minor."

Naruto scratched his cheek. "She would for family."

Kiba and Shikamaru's eyes widened. "Family? W-Wait, ew, you're not her son... are you?"

"Grandson." The two teens sighed in relief. "Uh, I'm Naruto by the way."

"Well as you heard the name's Kiba and this guy's Shikamaru but everyone calls him Shika." The aforementioned teen bowed his greeting. "Nice meeting ya heika." He gave the blond a bone-crushing bear hug then released him.

"Yeah, its a real pleasure to meet you chief."

"Wanna get some eats with us?"

"According to Tsunade-san, denka can't eat anything without getting it tested first."

Kiba and Shikamaru exchanged questionable glances then the former shrugged. "What the hell, if it means free food I'll do all the testing for ya."

Naruto followed the three teens down the palace's never-ending, incredibly confusing corridors until they reached what appeared to be the kitchen. "Choji-san, what's cooking?"

The four teens headed to the table nearest the kitchen where a chubby brunet was cleaning. Naruto sat next to Kiba while Sasuke sat next to Shikamaru. "Hey. You must be Naruto-tono." The brunet bowed. "I'm Choji, its an honor to meet you face to face; I'm the junior chef here."

"So... does every position have a junior?" Choji nodded. "I see. So, um, Choji-san can you make ramen?"

"Make it? I'll not only make it I'll make the best ramen you've ever eaten!"

"Sweet!"

A few minutes later Choji returned with a tray that had four steaming bowls of ramen. "Enjoy~! Oh, and Tsunade-sama told me about the food thing so I'll be making all your meals from now on. Well, me or my dad." With a mouthful of noodles, Naruto looked up at the brunet. "The Akimichi clan used to be the private chef's of the heika until Terumī-san fired my grandfather years ago then refused to hire my dad. No one really went into details why, but..." Choji shrugged. "I'm rambling ...and you're already done!"

The blond rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah... I really love ramen."

"No kidding." Sasuke slid is bowl over to Naruto. "I lost my appetite."

Naruto eagerly and happily gulped down the bowl that only seemed to further nauseate Sasuke while doing nothing substantial to Kiba or Shikamaru.

"Seriously? How can you two..." He glanced at Kiba eating just as voraciously as Naruto, "you." He continued solely addressing Shikamaru, "stand to see them eat like that?"

The teen in question shrugged. "You just get used to it I guess."

"I don't think I'll ever get used to it."

"That's because you're too high-maintenance." Sasuke glared at Choji as he set another tray of bowls down. "Uh... enjoy!" The brunet ran off back into the kitchen.

"You know... you really shouldn't scare off my friends if you plan on getting coupled to me."

Swallowing the copious amount of food in his mouth, Naruto turned to Shikamaru. "Coupling?"

"Yeah, you know the binding of two individuals?"

"Binding...?"

"Give it up Shikamaru, denka is a foreigner and an idiot so you'll have to explain things to him very slowly."

The blond slouched back in his seat folding his arms over his chest. "Bastard..."

Sasuke sighed, "binding means coming together. When two creatures couple they are someone coming together as one."

"Like a fusion!"

Sasuke kicked Kiba under the table. "No. Its like a union."

"That's what I said!"

Shikamaru sighed, "no... it isn't."

"Oh! Like a marriage!"

"Mar...ridge?"

"Right..." Naruto sighed, "language barrier. I know what coupling is. Um..." He crooked his finger at Shikamaru making the black-haired teen lean closer. "You... and _Sasuke_? Couldn't you do better?"

"I heard that!"

Leaning back Shikamaru chuckled then got a elbow in the ribs from Sasuke. "Oww..."

"I've been asking him that question for years." Kiba shook his head, "but they're mates so what are you going to do?"

"Uh... my grandparents are mates and they aren't together."

"Yeah, because Tsunade-sama grew to hate Terumī-san. I just so happen to like Sasuke, even if he wasn't my mate."

Sniffling, Choji put down the third batch of ramen bowls. "That's so sweet Shika!" Sobbing, he walked back into the kitchen.

"I don't know Shika, that sounds like a half-assed confession to me." Kiba hissed as both Sasuke and Shikamaru kicked him under the table.

"Um... aren't you two too young to get coupled?"

"Yeah."

"Of course not."

Sasuke and Shikamaru exchanged glances. "Pay close attention..." Kiba whispered, "this part will get interesting."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Then what's the 'right age' to get coupled? We're already betrothed, right?"

"Be..." The blond frowned, "think Naruto if coupling is marriage then betrothed must mean engaged."

Kiba blinked at him, "what are ya muttering?"

"Uh, nothing."

Shikamaru sighed, "mendokus_ē. _ Dammit I don't know the 'proper age' but I'd like to get coupled with you when your brother and father aren't trying to kill me."

"Bravo Shika." Kiba clapped his hands, "you're one smooth charmer. I'm sure Sasuke's aniki and dad might learn to like ya as much as Sasuke does~"

"Oh, denka." Sasuke jerked his thumb at Shikamaru. "Despite the idiot companion." Kiba glared at him, "you might want this one as your adviser. His IQ is ridiculously high."

"Yeah." Choji added bringing the fourth tray of bowls. "Even some of the grownups are terrified of his genius."

Naruto tapped his chin, "really? Then its settled, welcome aboard Shikamaru!"


	3. Meet the Uchiha Clan

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor do I own Humpty Dumpty – which this title was unwittingly taken from; furthermore, I do not own the books or films of the same name. Oh, and I also do not own Kyou Kara Maou nor Sex Pistols (the manga) which partially inspired the creation of this story. I also realized that this story (and its predecessors) was subconsciously inspired by Alice's Adventures In Wonderland and its sequel Through The Looking-Glass.

A/N: Just in case anyone is reading this story wondering what's going on with Hentais, Harems, & Heika... **this is Hentais, Harems, & Heika!** The title is just different but the overall concept is exactly the same. Because I had to make so many damn changes I figured it was simpler just to start over. I mentioned in the A/N of chapter one why.

This story is yaoi, deal with it, because it will not change nor will I be making a non-yaoi version.

I honestly can't remember who gave me the inspiration for adding quotes to the beginning of the chapters so I'll just send out an anonymous thanks.

* * *

><p><em>"The <em>_family __consists __of __those __who __live __under __the__ same __roof __with __the__ pater __familias; __those__ who __form __(if __I __may __use __the __expression) __his __fire-side.__"__  
>-Lord<em>_ Kenyon_

* * *

><p>After eating eight, or perhaps nine, bowls of ramen Naruto contently patted his stomach as he walked down the hallway with Kiba. Sometime between the fifth and sixth serving Shikamaru said something else upsetting in Sasuke's opinion so the two of them ended up leaving early. Once they were gone Kiba stated that the rest of their day would be composed of more half-assed apologies and rough make up sex. Both of which Naruto wanted no part of hearing of or about.<p>

"Kiba... if Sasuke is that much of a handful his family must be a lot worse, right?"

"Hm? Oh yeah. I was just talking to Sasuke once, in front of his dad and whatever, and the crazy motherfucker pulled a katana out and pointed it at me!"

Naruto whistled. "My dad did that once... only it was a rolling pin, but I guess a katana would have a scarier effect. Is Sasuke the baby of the family?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Maybe his dad is just overprotective?"

"No. Believe me dude, I know overprotective, the entire Uchiha clan is just crazy!"

"Nice to see you think so highly of us Inuzuka-kun." Naruto glanced at the brunet who appeared to be frozen on the spot. Naruto waved a hand in front of his face but he still remained motionless.

"Forgive me chibi-heika." The smooth sounding voice sounded as though it was coming from behind him, Naruto slowly turned around watching the brunet walk toward him. The man appeared to be moving in slow motion toward him. He looked like an older, hotter, more menacing, hotter, long-haired hotter version of Sasuke. The newcomer bowed taking Naruto's left hand in his. "I am Uchiha Itachi."

Naruto blinked at him as he rose to his feet. "It is an honor to meet you. I see you've gotten acquainted with my little brother Sasuke."

"Huh?" Naruto shook out of his stupor. "Right. I made Sasuke my adviser."

"Dude." Kiba hissed putting an arm around Naruto turning them away from Itachi, "don't look at him with the goo-goo eyes he's Sasuke's older brother!"

"Yeah, but... he's _hot_!"

Kiba slapped the blond's forehead. "I don't care if he could extinguish the sun! Not only is he twice as crazy as Sasuke but he's three times as evil! If ya get too close he'll probably make ya break up Sasuke and Shika or something!"

Frowning, Naruto looked at Itachi tapping his foot impatiently. "But you don't seem to like Sasuke."

"Of course I don't! However, like it or not, he is Shika's mate and Shika is my best friend – I guess ya could say the two of us are like platonic maybe even brotherly mates!" Naruto scratched his head in confusion. "Listen, I'd fucking kill for Shika man, why else do ya think I'd put up with his bitch?"

"Guess you have a point."

"Had Sasuke been with anyone else I wouldn't hesitate to deck him in the face."

"But even Shikamaru seems like he doesn't like Sasuke."

"Nah, Shika's always like that. Ya don't really know him yet but there are signs that he cares for Sasuke. Anyway, we're getting off topic don't put your guard down around Itachi or any Uchiha!"

"Look, I hear you but I'm an excellent judge of character man, its okay." The blond looked over his and Kiba's shoulder at Itachi looking off to the right. "But as a precaution I'll be careful anyway..." They broke apart and Naruto smiled up at Itachi. "Sorry about that." Naruto cleared his throat. "I'm Uzu... I mean _Namikaze_ Naruto. I'm still getting used to the surname switch."

"I'm sure there are other things you're getting used to as well."

"Yup!" Kiba elbowed him, "uh... I mean yes. But I'm a fast learner so its alright. I already used to being addressed as the king. Now that I think about it, that's about the only thing I'm used to." Naruto scratched the back of his neck and Kiba elbowed him again. "Ow... what?"

The brunet merely shook his head.

"Well I'm sure you'll do great, family or not Tsunade-sama wouldn't trust the kingdom to just any one."

Blushing the blond scratched the back of his neck, "I—" Blue eyes snapped open fully and everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. He heard Kiba calling out to him but the voice seemed so far away.

Blue eyes followed Itachi as he seemed to be coming closer and closer. Hit by a wave of dizziness, the blond began to sway until he felt something holding him upright. Blinking, he looked down at Itachi holding something yellow and fluffy.

When Itachi tugged the thing, Naruto felt himself being tugged too. Eyes widening, Naruto looked over his shoulder at the fluffy thing that was attached ...to his _ass_?

"I have a tail!" The 'tail' in question had ripped a neat little hole in his pants so that only it was outside the pants and nothing else, and when Itachi released the damn thing it seemed to swish around on its own accord. The tail was the same color as his hair and eyebrows only it had a black tip – like most, if not all, fennec foxes. Tsunade told him that the entire Namikaze clan were a breed of fennec fox and thanks to a particularly random animal project in third grade Naruto knew a couple of things about the breed that would probably be incredibly helpful considering he was one now. He might have always been a fennec fox but he never sprouted a tail!

"Your tail is so cute!" Kiba tugged the tail repeatedly.

"Stop that!" Naruto slapped the offending hand away and his tail continued to sway back and forth. "And what the hell is up with this?"

"Its typical for canids." Both teens turned to Itachi. "Whenever a particular creature of the canidae family becomes overly excited their tail sprouts."

Kiba glared at Naruto who rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. The blond then wrapped an arm around Kiba's shoulder and the two of them huddled turning their backs to Itachi. "Why didn't you tell me this would happen Kiba?"

"I told ya not to make the goo-goo eyes!"

"You never said I'd sprout a tail!"

"Well if ya had listened to me I—"

"Ahem." Blinking, they turned back to Itachi. "Its really rude to keep doing that."

"Sorry about—" Kiba elbowed him again then whispered in his ear.

"Ya should know _why_ you're getting excited!" Naruto gulped. He couldn't help subconsciously flirting with Itachi even if he was Sasuke's brother. The blond was never in the presence of someone that good looking – even if said being wasn't exactly human. Then again Naruto himself wasn't exactly human either. Much like his father, and presumably his mother by the stories he heard, Naruto found both genders equally appealing... it all depended on the person (or creature) in question; though judging from the lack of the 'fairer sex' males were his only option in choices of sexual relief.

"Right, right. Sorry." The blond cleared his throat. "So, um, what did you need from me Itachi-san?"

"I simply wanted to introduce myself to you..." He glared at Kiba who glared back, "before you get the wrong idea about my clan. I'm sure if you already met my brother then you met his mate, correct?" Naruto nodded slowly. "Although this particular statement might be true regarding my father, Nara thinks that we'll just attack him on a whim just for being near Sasuke. I personally have no problem with him, if Sasuke is happy then I'm happy for him."

"Bullshit." Kiba coughed then cleared his throat.

"However, I can't just let his lackadaisical attitude pass. Sasuke is always getting ahead of himself and overly emotional so a creature with the demeanor that contrasts that isn't …how should I put this? Mates or not, their relationship is doomed from the start."

"Spoken like a true older brother..." Naruto shook his head, that's the same level of overprotective-ness that he emitted around Konohamaru, especially when that Udon brat got just a bit too friendly with him. "I understand where you're coming from, but you don't seem like the overly emotional type either."

Itachi sighed, "true. That particular gene must have passed me, my father gets easily angered just like Sasuke does yet I'm able to keep my cool in any situation."

"That's good, you can keep your dad and Sasuke calm."

Itachi stared at the blond causing his tail to twitch. "You... you're very odd." Naruto's tail drooped. "But not in a bad way. I hope you and Sasuke could be friends, he could use some uplifting from someone like you."

Naruto and Kiba sighed shaking their heads, "being friends... that's not likely."

"Maybe, but – correct me if I'm wrong – you seem like the stubborn type. You are Tsunade-sama's grandson after all." Grinning, the blond scratched the back of his neck. "I'm certain you and Sasuke will be good friends. Call it an older brother's intuition."

"I don't know if I can but I'll try."

"I appreciate it. He's usually quick to put others down."

"Ain't that the truth..."

"But I'm sure he's at that awkward phase." Itachi bowed. "Sadly, I must be going now Naruto-sama. I hope we can talk like this again soon."

"Me too." Itachi nodded before walking off down the never-ending halls.

Kiba nudged him. "What did I tell ya about the goo-goo eyes man? At this rate your tail will stay upright."

"Forget upright, how do I get it to go away!"

Kiba shrugged, "I'm not a fox so I don't know." The blond facepalmed. "But a canid is a canid so ya must be like me in some way, in that case it'll just go away on its own – though I'm not the type to get easily excited."

"Does everyone sprout a tail?"

"Depends on the species, Shika won't sprout a tail 'cause he doesn't have one."

"Right... and what are you exactly?"

"Ya can't tell by just lookin at me?" Naruto stared at the brunet. What the hell kind of question was that? He was only... the blond blinked in absolute clarity. His olfactory senses were back in order but stronger, he picked up traces of dog on Kiba but not the usual off-putting wet dog smell that was always around the neighborhood – even when there wasn't a dog for miles. There was also something else on Kiba, but Naruto couldn't identify it.

"You're a dog!"

Kiba shrugged, "part dog. Ya got one hell of a nose for a foreigner." Kiba felt the blond's forehead. "Body temperature's pretty hot too. What was your ma's breed?"

"Uh, human?" Naruto scratched his head, "what does my body temperature have to do with anything?"

"Canids have high body temperatures. Oh, and you being a canid is the reason why Sasuke can't stand you. Just so you know."

"Why?"

"He's a felidae."

"Feli... _Sasuke__'__s__ a__ cat!_"

"In more ways than one." Kiba chuckled at his own joke then cleared his throat. "Anyway, most felids have pretty normal body temperatures."

"I don't get it, I used to have a cat back home and she was always hot. She would lay on the bed next to me and it would be really warm."

Kiba shrugged locking his hands behind his head. "Everything's new to ya, I doubt anything from your home would make sense to any of us."

"That's true. So, as a fellow canid you'll tell me everything I should know right?"

Kiba saluted him, "ya can count on me."

"Hey, I just thought of something." Kiba rose an eyebrow, "maybe felids have high body temperatures too but canids have higher ones making the felids not seem so high?"

"In theory that could be true but the only felids I know are from the Uchiha clan and I'll be damned if I ask them."

"By the way... what's your other part?" Kiba blinked at him. "You said you were 'part-dog.'"

"Oh. I'm half wolf too."

Naruto whistled. "Sweet, so you're a wolf-dog."

… …

Sasuke yawned adjusting the towel from around his waist. Shikamaru might have been lazy overall, but he was anything but in the bedroom. His hips still ached from their ongoing sessions last night.

Damn canids, his ears twitched slightly, Naruto was just as big an idiot – if not more so – than Shikamaru's mutt. There might not be any romantic feelings, but Sasuke was certain Shikamaru would choose Kiba over him in a heartbeat. Not that Sasuke would blame him, best friends were extremely hard to come by especially those of a different species and canids were even rarer to find than best friends. Canidaes were overly friendly though, close friend or not; with the extreme antithesis of the ex-heika.

Frowning, Sasuke dried his hair with the towel on his head. The castle had multiple onsens but unless he was with Shikamaru, Sasuke wouldn't dare set foot into a public bath.

"Oh, you're here." Hearing the approaching footsteps, Sasuke turned toward his brother. "I met Naruto-tono yesterday afternoon."

"So?"

"He seemed quite fond of you." Sighing, Sasuke rolled his eyes. "What are you upset about baka otouto, is it because he and Inuzuka are of similar mindsets or is because you actually find his idiocy charming?"

"So you admit he's an idiot?"

"No, I was simply saying what you thought."

Sasuke facepalmed. "Look, aniki, I'll admit denka isn't the conventional idiot and yes he does have an unusual charm about him but—"

"But?"

"_But_, a leopard never changes its spots."

"Meaning?"

"Once an idiot, always an idiot. Even half of something is still something."

"You, otouto, are the idiot. Nara is close to these so-called idiots you abhor, if you continue to berate and shun them you won't have a mate to get coupled too." Sasuke frowned. "You frown because I'm right. Kami only knows why you two became mates let alone betrothed but I believe its good for you to get to know them."

"Father will still try and gut them."

"He senses your obvious discomfort around them so he intervenes the only way he knows how."

"Aniki, its biologically impossible for me to fully get along with his stupid friends. Well, Choji I don't mind too much, but why did his best friend have to be a fucking dog?"

Sasuke cradled his face in his hands. "Did you ever think maybe that's why you two aren't coupled yet?"

Sasuke slowly lifted his face. "No?"

"Your obvious hatred toward his best friend won't exactly give him leverage to want to couple with you. Add in father's constant death threats, I wouldn't be surprised if he broke off the betrothing." Sasuke's right eye twitched. "Which raises the question of why he would ask to couple with you in the first place."

"You know aniki you really aren't helping this situation."

"My apologies, but I think Naruto-tono might be able to help you. He seems rather profound when it comes to reading the energy of others. Something you severely lack."

"Well sorry for not being fucking empathic, and its not as though you excel in empathy!"

"Ah, but I'm not the one betrothed." The seventeen-year-old's nostrils flared. "You can make faces all you want."

"Oh, I found him Fugaku-nii." Obito nonchalantly walked into Sasuke's quarters. Obito was often considered the black sheep of the Uchiha clan, he wasn't constantly frowning or condescending like the rest of the clan so he was often scolded for not being Uchiha like. "Hey, did you two see the new heika?"

Sasuke huffed. "What's up with him?"

"He's just in heat." Bluish-black ears sprouted from the top of the seventeen-year-old's head as he blushed furiously. "So, what about the new heika?"

"I hear he's sensei's son." Itachi rose an eyebrow. "Right... Namikaze Minato, he was Konoha's yellow flash – he was the sensei to me, Kakashi, Guy, and all the other guys our age. He taught us how to fight in case of another battle. As orphans we didn't have much of a purpose so we were taught to fight." Obito shrugged, "anyway. Kakashi told me, he heard it from the ex-heika herself."

"Damn your voice is loud Obito." Fugaku walked into the room sighing. "It echoes. Oh, why is Sasuke red?"

Obito and Itachi turned to the now fully dressed teen who's ears were still erect and his face was still a healthy shade of bright red.

The two of them stared at one another then turned back to Fugaku. "Did you meet the new heika?" Obito asked. "He's Namikaze-sensei's son."

"Namikaze had a son?" Obito nodded. "Is that what he did _there_? Now his illegitimate child is running our kingdom?"

"He's not technically illegitimate since sensei wasn't betrothed or anything."

"But he is a foreigner to our kingdom."

"Yet he is a Namikaze." Sighing, Fugaku shook his head. "W-What?"

"Nothing. I have something I need to do so I'm leaving Sasuke in your care Obito."

"Huh? W-Why mine?"

"Because it will do you good to get some damn responsibility." Nodding to his first born, Fugaku walked out of the room.

Itachi patted his cousin on the back. "There, there, I'll help you."

Obito glomped onto the twenty-year-old. "Ita-chan you're the best~!"

… …

"Oh shit!" Tsunade sprung up from her seat letting her sleep mask fall from her face. "I forgot to let Naruto soak in the hotspring of past heikas!"

The blond took a deep breath. "**Shizune!**" After a few seconds the black-haired woman came barreling into the room. "Bring gaki to me."

"T-Tsunade-san, you scared me half to death!" Shizune sighed, "I—"

"Don't give me that look. You never worked for the heika, you worked for me therefore move your ass and get my grandchild."

"R-Right away." Bowing, the black-haired woman all but ran out of the room down the corridor.

A few minutes later Shizune returned with not only Naruto but a brunet who was a dead ringer for him, minus the slightly muscular build and of course the hair color.

"Who is this?"

"This? This is Kiba." The aforementioned brunet was about to take a step forward but stopped himself then stiffly bowed. "He's helping me be more canid like since a certain relative said she didn't want to teach me anything."

Tsunade sighed. "You're as big a pain as Minato was at your age. Listen up, I forgot to do something before your coronation." The blond rose from her chair cracking various joints into place. "Follow me."

Naruto, Kiba, and Shizune followed Tsunade into the heika's throne room. Inside the room was a slightly smaller room Naruto never noticed before.

"Disrobe."

Wide-eyed Naruto turned to Tsunade, "excuse me?"

"Get undressed. Its forbidden for the heika to be clothed here." Naruto blushed. "Don't be such a prude. Its the sacred place where the past fifty-two heika's have gone to get the wisdom and courage necessary to run the kingdom through the spirits of their predecessors."

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

"Of course not! But it is tradition so take your clothes off and get in the damn tub!" The blond glanced over his shoulder at Shizune and Kiba standing in each side of the doorway staring intently at him.

"I'm not doing it with them staring at me!"

Tsunade stared at them staring at Naruto. "They're harmless now do it before I have them strip you!"

"Alright, alright. I'm doing it." Huffing, Naruto slowly peeled off his clothes then proceeded to take his steps into the large tub in front of him. Fifty-two heikas before him all sat in his tub, their spirits were supposed to be residing in it giving the current heika the strength needed to run the kingdom to the best of their ability.

It all sounded crazy, but like Kiba said yesterday it wasn't going to make sense to someone who was new to the whole thing. A middle-class, high school senior from Brazil wouldn't know anything about a completely different world with unusual customs he became king of practically overnight. This situation obviously wasn't going to go over easy to anyone regardless of how fast they progressed things.

The blond leaned back against the bath watching Shizune and Kiba still watching him. "Do you mind?"

"No, not really."

Facepalming, the blond looked down at the water which he just noticed was kind of greenish. He didn't notice the different in water color during the showers he took the past two days. Naruto frowned. He'd been in this crazy ass kingdom for two full days and he still hadn't heard anything about Konohamaru!

Every time he tried to talk to Tsunade about it she simply derailed the topic saying her guards were on it. Naruto was the proactive type, all this sitting around waiting wasn't his style. The blond stood abruptly. "Kiba, hand me a towel."

Blinking, the brunet complied giving Naruto the orange towel Tsunade told him to hold before she disappeared with Shizune.

The blond wrapped the towel around his waist and strode out of the room that automatically closed behind him. He stared at the blank wall then shook his head. "Uh... nevermind. Do you know anything about Sunagakure?"

"I should, I was born there."

"Say what?"

"Guess ya never asked." Kiba scratched his head, "anyway what do ya wanna know?"

"I think my best friend might be there. Tsunade-jiisan said she has guys all over Konoha looking for him, but if they didn't find him then he's obviously not here."

"Oh, that reminds me I gotta go back home for the crowning."

"What crowning?"

"Uh, I guess its like the coronation they have here." Kiba sighed, "I'm gonna get chewed out..."

"Do you think you can bring a guest?"

"Sure, what the hell. Three days, remember we gotta go there because it takes about ten just to head there."

"So the crowning is in two weeks more or less?" Kiba nodded. "I don't mean to pry but why are you here if you're from Sunagakure?"

Kiba locked his hands behind his head. "I got lost once, wandered the desert that borders here and Suna. When I regained consciousness a man by the name Nara Shikaku had found and took care of me. Turns out he had a son my age, ever since Shika and I have been inseparable ...except for the times when I have to head home. My ma can be pretty crazy when I stay here for too long."

"Mom... uh, is Sunagakure any different from here? I mean, are females rare to come by?"

"Yeah. But my ma is a female; not too sure about my dad though she doesn't like to talk about it."

"..." Naruto frowned, "so I get to meet your mom?" Kiba nodded.

"Oh, its probably just my opinion but ya might not wanna tell anyone you're the heika of Konoha. Just a suggestion."

"Because of Tsunade-jiisan?" Kiba nodded again. "Got it."

… …

Shikamaru sighed. "So you're going back to Suna..." He glanced at the blond stuffing his face, "and you're taking Naruto with you? What about the kingdom you can't just up and disappear without a legitimate reason."

The blond swallowed his ramen. "I do have a reason." Choji placed another bowl in front of Naruto before sitting down beside Shikamaru. "I'm going to try and make peace between here and Sunagakure."

Shikamaru glared at Kiba, "this is your influence, isn't it?"

"What? No... at least I don't think it is."

Shikamaru sighed. "I get the feeling that's not your only purpose but its not like I can change your mind. So you want me and Sasuke to hold things down here while you two are gone?"

"Uh, I was going to ask you to come with me but that alternative works too."

"Right... you'll need to appoint an acting heika in your absence. Kiba would normally be the best choice because of the similarities in your size and demeanor but as he isn't going to be here you'll need someone else."

Naruto shrugged. "Put Sasuke in charge."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Choji asked, "I mean... this is Sasuke we're talking about. Not that he isn't smart or anything but you two couldn't possibly be more different."

"I agree, but I told him his opinion was valuable and whatever so I'll let him decide what's best until I get back. But keep in mind I'll strangle him if he does something I don't like just to spite me."

"I had a feeling you would say something like that."

"Something like what?" Kiba, Shikamaru, Choji, and Naruto all looked up at Sasuke who plopped down in the seat next to Naruto. He poked the blond's stuffed cheeks with his pointer finger. "Don't tell me his idiocy is contagious."

"Naruto was just telling us he plans on heading to Sunagakure for the crowning of their ...whatever they call their leader."

"What?" Sasuke glanced at the blond who just swallowed his food. "Dammit you've been eating nothing but ramen since we met!"

"I can't help it if its good!"

Sasuke's left eye twitched. "You!" He pointed at Choji, "as the heika's _adviser_..." He glanced at Naruto smirking, "its in my opinion that you should serve him something that isn't swimming in a broth filled with contents that are half the heika's body weight."

"T-That's not fair! I already had four ramen-less months before I got here!"

"And you managed just fine." He poked Naruto's cheeks repeatedly. "I think I'll manage your dietary needs along with your appearance."

"Here's one more thing to add to your impressive repertoire, Naruto just appointed you acting heika in his absence." Sasuke did a double take staring at Choji then at Naruto.

"Huh?" Sasuke glanced at Shikamaru who nodded along with Kiba. Frowning he turned back to the blond. "Why? What are you scheming denka? Trying to set me up for failure?"

"No. You're going to boss me around anyway you might as well cut out the middleman and do what you think is best for the kingdom."

Sasuke poked the blond in the cheek again. "Don't try to flatter me because I won't go easy on you. You're still not allowed to eat ramen." Naruto sighed, "as for the acting heika... I'll try and do what you might think is the best course of action, no matter how stupid _I_ think it is."

Naruto glared at him. Sasuke sighed, "I guess I should express my gratitude to you for giving me such a heavy burden."

"Not when you say it like that!"

"What?" Sasuke waved his arms in defense. "I didn't mean it like that!" He sighed, "I guess, what I mean to say is, t-t..."

Kiba, Shikamaru, and Choji leaned impossibly closer to the table. Blushing, Sasuke looked up at them. "W-What?"

"Don't stop on our account."

His ears popped up atop his head and Naruto gaped at them. "This is exactly why I can't stand you idiots..._ow_! What the fuck?"

Blinking, Naruto released the ear. "H-Heh, sorry. I've never seen ears just pop up out of nowhere. Can I tug them again?"

"Hell no!"

"That usually happens when—"

"Owww..." Shikamaru rubbed his shin, "I didn't even say anything that was Choji." Sasuke kicked him too, and Kiba just for good measure.

"As I was saying." He glared at the three across the table, "t-t-t—"

"You're welcome Sasuke."

Blushing, Sasuke nodded. "Just once."

"Huh?"

"Y-You can touch them, but this is the last time." Beaming, Naruto carefully leaned closer tweaking the fluffy bluish-black ears twitching above Sasuke's head. They were a lot softer than the ears of any other cat he touched in his seventeen years of existence. "Are you done yet?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry." Reluctantly, the blond released the ears immediately missing the warmth and softness. "So, how come they just popped up like that? Does that happen often?"

"Usually..." Shikamaru glanced at Sasuke, figuring it was okay since he didn't get kicked again he continued. "Whenever a creature becomes incredibly enraged, aroused, or embarrassed their ears sprout out like that."

"Oh, like my tail did yesterday?" Facepalming, Kiba shook his head. "N-No, not like that?"

"Why did your—"

Kiba covered Shikamaru's mouth and a vein throbbed on his forehead. "I just remembered I promised to help Naruto get used to being here." Glaring at the blond, he gripped him by the wrist. "Catch ya guys later." Before any of them could respond the two teens were out the door.

Shikamaru scratched his head, "what the hell was that?"

Sasuke shrugged, "must be a canidae thing."

"Huh... that's right, Naruto is a canid too."

"Hey, yeah! Kiba hasn't been near another canid his age since he got here, this is good right Shika?"

"...Yeah, I guess."

… …

"Dude, ya can't go and just blurt out things like that in front of the others _especially_ Sasuke!" Naruto tilted his head. "Don't give me that look, I ain't mad or nothing I'm just giving ya a warning. All the other creatures look down on the canids cause we're 'overly emotional' or some shit like that."

Naruto nodded. "Got it. So, are canids rare or something?"

"Sort of, I mean most of the canids I've seen are kinda old... you're the first I've ever seen my age." Kiba shrugged, "but whatever. We gotta stick together—"

"Question, if you're a canid and somewhat rare here Sunagakure must be full of canids then right?" Kiba nodded.

"Are you two having some secret meeting?"

"Shika-chan!" Kiba merrily bounced over to him. "Where's your bitch?"

Shikamaru grabbed Kiba's cheeks stretching them. "Can't you just get along with Sasuke for my sake?"

"Maybe you should have that conversation with Sasuke and not Kiba?"

Shikamaru stretched the shorter teen's cheeks further. "I did last night." Naruto shuddered. "They're obviously not going to like one another because of the clash of their species, but I'm hoping our friendship is stronger than your hatred toward my mate."

"If ifs swrongur." Kiba groaned out loud as his cheeks were released. "Dammit ya always do that! Respect your elders man!"

"Wait a minute, you're older than him?"

"Uh-huh, two and a half months older."

"When is your birthday?"

"July 7th, why?"

"Two and a half months would be around mid September right?" Shikamaru nodded. "My birthday is October 10th!"

"Oh, so we just missed your birthday. Happy belated birthday then."

"Yeah, that means you and I are about two and a half weeks apart since my birthday is September 22nd."

"Shika..." The taller teen rose an eyebrow, "you're pissed aren't ya? Every time I head home ya get upset then I have to hear it from Sasuke about me spoiling ya too much."

"Uh, why don't you just go with him?" Kiba and Shikamaru turned to Naruto, "not this time because you gotta help Sasuke with the kingdom, but I mean it shouldn't be a problem going with him right?"

Shikamaru sighed, "I'd love to, really I would, but all his Suna friends are weird." He gave the shorter teen a sidelong glance, "not that Kiba himself isn't weird but it reminds me of his general background."

"That's some pretty rude shit to say to someone who is supposed to be your best friend!"

Shikamaru patted the frowning teen on the head. "Besides..." He beckoned Naruto closer, "his mom gives me the creeps!" He whispered nodding, "and you'll find that out first hand."

He patted Naruto on the shoulder. "Your stuff is still in my room right? I'll help you pack."

"Damn Shika, ya that eager to have me leave? I ain't going home for another three days."

"Knowing you you'll bullshit for two and a half days then scramble to get things ready merely a few hours before you leave—"

"Alright, alright. I'll go." Slumping his shoulders Kiba sighed, "come on Naruto, we'll lend ya some clothes cause I'll be damned if ya walk around looking like that."

… …

"So..." Kakashi turned to Obito leering at him, "are you planning on finishing what you started with sensei with his son?" The brunet waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"They may look the same, Uchiha, but the kid is no sensei."

"I see..." Obito nodded, "but if sensei's son is here then sensei might just pop up right?" The silver-haired man shrugged. "Don't be so indifferent, I miss sensei too ...but I wasn't the one harboring a twenty-three year long unrequited crush."

Obito looked away as Kakashi glared at him. "I can't understand why I'm friends with you."

"I dunno." Kakashi banged his head repeatedly onto the counter top. "Oi, we're gonna need more sake over here."

"Kakashi-kun, Obito-chan! Its so good seeing you two!" Kakashi slowly lifted his head watching Guy happily march over to them. Groaning, the silver-haired man banged his head against the counter top again.

"Now really isn't a good time Guy."

"Oh?" Still, the man sat next to Kakashi. "Kakashi-kun, what is wrong? Didn't you hear Minato-sensei's son arrived a few days ago?" Obito facepalmed. "Hm? Oh! That is why he's upset."

As the bottle sake was placed in front of Obito he quickly took a swig of it. "O-On the upside, sensei himself is going to arrive shortly. I heard Tsunade-sama say so herself." Obito drank another mouthful straight from the bottle.

Guy looked between his two closest friends nervously. "I-I think I should stop talking now."

Kakashi lifted his head and took the bottle from Obito before it reached the brunet's mouth the fourth time, slowly tugged down his mask and drank the rest of the bottle – which was less than half because of Obito's monstrous mouthfuls. Once he finished he carefully placed the mask back in its original position then slammed his head back onto the counter, perhaps harder than he wanted because he rose his head once more rubbing his now red forehead.

"Kakashi, you shouldn't drink yourself stupid. Sensei didn't know you had a thing for him." Guy restrained the silver-haired man before he could presumably strangle Obito. "You know, if you hadn't bitched up before sensei left you wouldn't be in this predicament. I told you to tell sensei how you felt, but did you listen? No! Now you're hogging all the good sake and causing further brain damage to yourself!"

"I doubt he would have believed a confession from a seven-year-old!"

Obito shook his head, "you of all creatures should know better than to doubt sensei. He's incredibly unorthodox so I wouldn't put it past him."

"But Obito-chan, if he told sensei about his feelings our current heika might not be born."

"Of course he would have, just differently." Obito shrugged, "oh what do I know? A certain wolf cub didn't want to listen to me and now he's been sleeping around to mask the pain of his first and only heartbreak."

"But Obito-chan, Kakashi-kun is sensei's mate but it might not be the other way around." Obito facepalmed again. "I-I'm just saying!"

Obito and Kakashi harmonized hitting their heads against the bar's counter. "You honestly couldn't expect sensei to be faithful, even if Kakashi-kun told him." Kakashi slowly lifted his head at the bartender. "Sensei was a hot commodity after all, all his students listened so attentively because of his face."

The brunet placed a large bottle of sake in front of each of them. "I know I did."

"You know, Utakata, we're supposed to be making Kakashi feel better not want to make him dent the fixtures."

"Don't worry, don't worry. As hardheaded as Kakashi-kun is, the counter is made of dolomite so its not going anywhere!" Obito sighed before drinking his sake straight from the bottle. "You know Obito-kun, for a felidae, you have an exceptionally high tolerance for alcohol."

"I actually think we cause Obito-chan to drink so heavily..."

"You're right Guy..." Utakata took the bottle in front of Guy and placed it in front of Obito.

"What are you doing Utakata-kun?"

"I just want to see how much he can drink before he passes out." The brunet behind the counter leaned closer to Obito watching him down the second bottle of sake. "You did eat before you came here, didn't you Obito-chan?" The brunet in question nodded as he kept drinking.

… …

"Now you really look like a foreigner." Dejectedly, the blond slumped his shoulders. Before he, Kiba, and Shikamaru headed to Shikamaru's quarters Yamato had popped up and gave the blond his original gakuran after the brunet fixed then subsequently lost it. Once Yamato left, the three teens headed to Shikamaru's quarters and Naruto put on said gakuran; it had to be the original because of the school's insignia in the tag that Yamato couldn't possibly be able to duplicate... right? The gakuran he was wearing now felt like his old one, the replica was made of a different material so Naruto figured he would be able to recognize his own school uniform!

"I don't know Shika its kinda cool." Kiba rubbed the hem of Naruto's shirt, "and its so soft."

Shikamaru shook his head, "some creatures are so easy to please." Kiba stuck his tongue out at him. "Listen, chief, if you think Konoha is crazy you'll never get used to the daily Suna life."

"Hey!"

Shikamaru covered Kiba's mouth, "fortunately since you're going with a native you'll be fine. Kiba helped me out with some of their customs, much like how I helped him out here over the years."

"Is it really that bad?"

"You have no idea." Smirking, Shikamaru reluctantly released Kiba. "Hey, bring me back something that doesn't bite this time?"

"How was I supposed to know cacti plants were so blood thirsty for Virgos?"

"You guys do astrology here?" Shikamaru nodded. "I guess that's one similarity so far..."

"Well, I guess you two better get some sleep—"

"We're leaving in three days Shika, damn, I knew you wanted to get rid of me."

"He probably wants some alone time with Sasuke."

Kiba and Naruto exchanged glances, looked at Shikamaru, then glanced back at one another shuddering.

Shikamaru sighed, "damn canidaes."


	4. The Sandy Colony of Sunagakure

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor do I own Humpty Dumpty – which this title was unwittingly taken from; furthermore, I do not own the books or films of the same name. Oh, and I also do not own Kyou Kara Maou nor Sex Pistols (the manga) which partially inspired the creation of this story.

_A/N:__ First__ and __foremost__ – __colony __(n)__ a __group __of __people __who __leave __their__ native __country __to __form __in __a__ new __land __a __settlement __subject__ to,__ or__ connected __with, __the __parent__ nation._

_Village__ (n)__ a__ small__ community__ or__ group__ of__ houses __in__ a __rural__ area, __larger__ than__ a__ hamlet__ and__ usually__ smaller __than__ a __town, __and __sometimes __incorporated__ as __a__ municipality._

_Community__ (n)__ a__ social__ group__ of __any __size __whose __members __reside __in __a__ specific __locality,__ share__ government,__ and __often__ have__ a __common__ cultural __and __historical__ heritage._

_I __often __interchange__ the__ terms,__ and__ they__'__re __all__ synonyms __anyway,__ so__ I__ figured __I__'__d__ add __them__ all__ now__ in__ an__ attempt __to __clear__ any__ confusion.__ Sunagakure __is __a __colony__ or __community__ comprised __of __several__ villages__...if__ that__ makes__ sense._

_Now__ then,__ as __I__ use__ these __terms__ a __lot__ in __this __chapter__ I__ figured __its __best__ to __get__ them__ out__ of __the__ way__ now.__ Waka __is __the __title/suffix__ used __to__ address __young __masters.__ Oyabun__ means__ leader__ – __usually__ in__ reference__ to__ the__ yakuza;__ Kaichō __means __head__ of__ an__ organization.__ Kyodai__ is__ a__ term__ used__ to__ describe__ '__big__ brothers__' __or__ high __ranking __members__ of__ the__ yakuza.__ I__ believe __that__'__s__ all__ for__ now..._

* * *

><p>"<em>A<em>_ desert __is__ a__ place __without__ expectation.__"__  
>-Nadine <em>_Gordimer_

* * *

><p>It was a good thing Kiba and Naruto left the day they did because it had taken twelve and a half days to get to Sunagakure; it might have taken the normal ten days to get here but Naruto still wasn't used to walking so much so they had to take several breaks, Kiba offered to carry the blond but it might not have worked due to their similar builds and the fact the two of them were the same height.<p>

Kiba only wanted to leave early in case of a sandstorm or something because the desert weather was incredibly unpredictable. Fortunately the crowning was still a full day and a half away, so he still had time to goof off and hang out with his friends and introduce said friends to Naruto ...while looking for that Konohamaru kid Naruto kept talking about.

Naruto paused, dragging his feet to look up at the sign that said _'__Welcome__ to__ Sunagakure.__'_ It was hanging between two wooden polls so high that no normal sized being could have possibly set that up there perfectly. "Hey, how come Konohagakure didn't have a sign like that?"

Kiba shrugged, "I guess its just easier to label places that aren't Konoha."

As they officially stepped foot into Sunagakure ground, Naruto looked around. There wasn't a spec of life around and even if there was it wasn't visible with all the damn sand around. On the subject of sand, with all the weird colors going around Naruto was a bit surprised that the sand was brown. "Where is everyone?"

"Probably getting ready for the crowning. They have to decide who's gonna lead the colony after all."

"Wait, what?"

"Didn't I tell ya? Unlike Konoha, here, the members vote on who they want to run the colony."

"Like a democracy."

"Demo-what?"

"Nevermind. I gotta stop blurting things out..."

"Kiba!" The brunet's eyebrows shot up to his hairline and before he had time to react he was on the receiving end of a bear hug. "Its been so long~"

Naruto blinked as Kiba was being swung around like a rag doll by a blond. Kiba did mention the rarity of the women in Suna, but judging by the breasts the brunet was being smushed against this creature was definitely female. Seriously, what was up with this world and their overly endowed rarely existent women?

Seemingly having her fill, the blond released Kiba taking in his unconscious form. "Damn, I did it again..." Sighing, she hoisted the brunet over her shoulder then noticed Naruto for the first time looking him up and down. Teal eyes bore into blue silently albeit obviously inspecting him. "You must be Kiba's friend, his carrier pigeon mentioned you."

Naruto tilted his head wondering when Kiba had time to send out a carrier pigeon when they pretty much spent every moment together for the past two weeks.

The blond woman embraced Naruto in the same manner she did Kiba, but she let go about a few seconds later. "Right, you're from Konoha so you're not all that familiar with the customs here."

Naruto scratched his left cheek. He remembered when he met Kiba that the brunet hugged him, as opposed to everyone else he met bowing at him and to be honest Kiba seemed kinda awkward whenever he bowed.

"So, lets go! Tsume-san's been going crazy waiting for him~" The woman looked over her shoulder, "that's Kiba's mom by the way. Oh, I almost forgot to introduce myself; I'm Sabaku Temari~" She grabbed Naruto's hand with her free hand. "Lets go!"

The trio walked down the empty streets and stopped in front of one of the many small traditional Japanese style wooden townhouses. Naruto stared at the house in awe. "Wow... I've never seen a house like this."

"That's because Konohagakure has royal-esque buildings made of brick and whatnot." Temari stared at the teen up and down, "if you're from Konoha how come Kiba never mentioned you before? He's always talking about Nara and the other friends he made but I don't remember him mentioning a blue-eyed blond."

Naruto nervously scratched the back of his neck, "Uh..."

"Tem, I see you brought me a gift!" Sighing, the teal-eyed blond turned to the brunet standing in the doorway. "Oi, why are you looking at me like that?"

Temari narrowed her eyes before shrugging Kiba off her shoulders and basically throwing him at the brunet. "He's all yours Kurō." She brushed passed him walking into the house.

"Oi, Kiba, wake up man." The brunet shook Kiba causing the shorter to stir. "He's usually a light sleeper... hey Tem you didn't suffocate him with your breasts again did you?" When his question was met with silence he sighed. "Forget the fan, those things are a dangerous weapon." Brown eyes locked onto blue. "Oh, you must be Naruto!"

The blond braced himself as the brunet bear hugged him... with Kiba in his arms. "You know you look a lot like that Namikaze guy in all the scrolls." Naruto gulped scratching his head nervously. "So, I'm Kankurō; unfortunately Temari is my older sister."

"I heard that, asshole!" The blond screeched.

"This is the house of our current oyabun—"

Naruto's eyes widened, "yakuza?"

"What? No, no! Not _that_ kind of oyabun."

"Ah, Kankurō-kun, are you ready for the crowning tomorrow?" The brunet nodded. "Good. I can't believe you damn youngsters are running me out of the position." Sighing, he turned to Naruto. "And this would be...?"

"Naruto, Kiba's friend." He readjusted the still unconscious teen in his arms.

"Ah yes." The old man nodded then approached Naruto embracing him before letting go just as quickly. "I am Ōnoki and in less than forty-eight hours I will no longer be the oyabun of the colony." He stared at Naruto again, "there is something incredibly familiar about you." He looked at Kankurō. "If everyone is so eager to have me leave I will do it on my own time, alert the members of the colony I am moving up the crowning to noon, _sharp_!"

"W-Wha—"

"Kurotsuchi!" In a puff of smoke a pink-eyed brunette popped up in front of the old man. "How do you like my magic trick gramps?"

"There's no time for that." The brunette pouted. "Get the preparations for the crowning."

"Are you going senile gramps? The crowning isn't for another two days."

"I changed my mind." Pink eyes widened. "Its now in less than two hours. I selflessly ran this colony for thirty years and now they're eager to get rid of me because of some smartass, apathetic punk?"

"Now gramps—"

"Silence! I selflessly raised you as well." As Kurotsuchi gulped, Ōnoki turned back to Naruto. "You remind me of Namikaze Minato, perhaps the only native of Konoha I actually respect. He was a worthy adversary and I'm sure he would have made one hell of an ally."

"Yeah!" Kankurō agreed, "he's a dead ringer for him."

Kurotsuchi whistled, "gramps is always going on about that Namikaze guy." The brunette stared at Naruto and he stared right back. Judging by the voice the creature had to be female, though he was fooled a few times before so he couldn't be exactly sure. He subconsciously glanced down at her chest. Her bust size seemed normal, at least what Naruto was used to prior to coming here, but compared to the other females he came in contact with it was rather small – then again this girl seemed a lot younger than the other females he met between Sunagakure and Konohagakure so far.

"He seems a little young though." Shrugging, Kurotsuchi happily hugged the blond nuzzling his face into her chest. Yup, she was _definitely_ a female.

"Idiot!" Ōnoki hit the brunette over the head. "I never said he was Namikaze, I said he reminded me of him. Their ki is quite similar yet different at the same time, much like their scent."

Kankurō sniffed the blond as did Kurotsuchi. "Stop that you idiots!" Ōnoki hit both the brunets. "I swear, leaving an even younger pup to deal with you idiots is the biggest mistake anyone could ever make!"

"Gramps, we all know you're about one broken hip away from complete immobilization." Kurotsuchi flinched covering her head bracing for the hit from her grandfather, she cracked open an eye too late to react when her grandfather hit her in the stomach. "Oww!"

"Now, as I was saying. You two alert everyone that the crowning has been moved up to noon and not a second before." The old man dragged Kurotsuchi out of the house leaving Kankurō with Naruto and the still unconscious Kiba.

"That old guy seems kinda harsh."

"Yup. But that's not my biggest issue at the moment." Kankurō sighed, "_he_ won't be too happy about this, I mean he wasn't even interested in becoming our oyabun to begin with."

"He? Who is he?"

"Well judging by the massive votes he received, our soon to be oyabun of Sunagakure. Oi, Tem, we have ourselves a problem!"

The blond emerged from one of the backrooms. "And that problem would be?"

"Ōnoki-san moved the crowning up to noon."

"Noon when?"

"Noon today!"

"What? That's not even two hours away!"

"Well, its what the jackass wants."

"Now I know what they mean by that stubborn as a mule phrase." Temari sighed, "alright. Alright. I'll alert the villagers, _you_ wake up Kiba then talk to ...him."

Kankurō sighed, "I had a feeling you'd say that."

"Look, its bad enough the villagers chose him instead of someone who actually wanted to rule the colony. You're his brother so you'd better talk some sense into him."

"You're his sister!"

Temari rummaged through the drawers and took out a megaphone then turned it on. "He said you'd be his kaichō, Kankurō, so get to work!" She screamed into the megaphone then took it off, "do I need to repeat myself?"

"No... I got you."

"Good."

Nodding to herself, Temari walked outside the house with the megaphone in her hands. Sighing, Kankurō and Naruto followed suit.

"Attention all members of the community!" Some of the villagers stopped to stare at the blond now standing on the oyabun's building. "Our gracious soon to be ex-oyabun has moved the crowning to noon."

Most of the villagers gasped. "That's not even two hours from now!"

"Well we all know how stubborn Ōnoki-san is so its best to just comply with whatever the hell he wants and make the transition between our oyabuns as smooth as possible!" The villagers mumbled but nodded walking off presumably to get everything ready.

"Where is the crowning going to take place?"

Kankurō shrugged, "I never witnessed one. Ōnoki-san has been running the colony since before I was born so I never saw one. I don't know why Tem is acting so high and mighty since she never saw one either." The blond sent a glare his way. "Come on, we better go talk to our future oyabun."

… …

Groaning, Kiba put an icepack on his throbbing forehead. Temari usually wore metal plated clothes so he was rendered unconscious as soon as she greeted him. "How ya holding up, champ?" The teen glared at Kankurō grinning at him. "Oh come on, I'm sick of getting the evil eye! We need to talk to you know who; Ōnoki-san moved up the crowning forty-four hours."

Kiba whistled, and before he could say anything the shōji door slid open revealing a short redhead teen with a disinterested aura followed by a panting white-haired teen. "Waka _please_ reconsider!" The white-haired teen yelled.

The two brunets exchanged glances. "Speak of the devil."

"I'm not your _waka_ yet."

"Yes but despite your age the decision was unanimous, even the elders, even Ōnoki-san thinks you're the most capable member we have to rule the colony! Aside from himself of course."

"Give it up Kimi-kun." Kankurō shook his head and disinterested red eyes turned to him. "Did you get Dei?" The white-haired teen shook his head. "Dude, what the hell? You know only Deidara can convince Sasori to do anything."

"That's not necessarily true you know, you've convinced him to do things on occasion. As has Kiba-kun and Gaara-kun."

"Fine, but you didn't have any of us a minute ago and half of us are still missing."

The white-haired teen facepalmed. "I'll go find Gaara-kun."

"He's probably at the usual place." Nodding, the white-haired teen ran off. "Good luck Kimimaro." Sighing, Kankurō turned to Sasori. "You sure you're not the jackass here?"

"Don't compare me to the old man, its not my fault they want me to run the colony." Red eyes glanced at Naruto, "who's the blond? Is he a rabbit too?"

"Dammit Sasori, not every blond is a rabbit!"

"Right." He slowly approached Naruto embracing him for a few seconds before releasing him. "I'm Sasori, as you may have already heard, the unwilling next ruler of Suna." He leaned closer sniffing the blond. "A fox, hm?"

Blushing slightly, Naruto rubbed the back of his neck nodding. "He's cute, where did you pick this one up?"

"He's with me." Sasori rose an eyebrow at Kiba. "No man, not that way."

"Ah. So why is he here?"

"He came to see ya get crowned." Sasori's eyes narrowed, "but more importantly he says he lost his best friend and he might be here."

"What makes him think that?"

"We got separated from the fall."

"What fall?"

Kiba sighed, "Naruto's not _exactly_ from Konoha." Kankurō and Sasori exchanged glances before looking at Kiba. "Remember the scrolls spoke of that Earth place? He's from there and literally fell outta the sky."

"Seriously? So what's with the whiskers? Is that an Earthican thing too?"

"No. Sasuke told me he got scratched by a fox and they sorta stuck."

"A fox with actual non transformation whiskers?" Kankurō whistled. "Badass bro."

"Very."

"Danna!" Naruto watched in awe as small, red rounded ears perked up atop Sasori's head despite the still disinterested face the redhead had. While everyone was sniffing him, Naruto couldn't help but sniff back... so far Sasori, Kankurō, and Temari had similar dog-like scents to them like Kiba did only their scents were unrecognizable despite the warm comfort they exuded.

A long-haired blond happily bounced into the room. He appeared to be 'normal' with the major exception of the long yellow rabbit ears protruding from his hair. The ears swayed with each step the blond took until he was wrapped up in Sasori's arms. "Danna, Kimi told me you don't want to take the position, un?"

Sasori sighed, "we talked about this already Deidara."

Sighing, Kiba hopped off the bench and forcibly tore Deidara from Sasori. "Come on man, ya know Sasori's stubborn as hell even that cutesy-wootsy act ain't gonna work."

"Fuck, un, I was sure it was gonna work." Sighing, the blond folded his arms over his chest. He was about to comment but then he sniffled, froze, and then turned to Naruto. "Yo, when did we get a fox, hm?"

"Its Kiba's."

"He ain't mine!"

The blond's rabbit ears twitched and swayed as the blond hopped over to Naruto embracing him. "He's kinda cute, un." Deidara nuzzled their faces together.

"Damn affectionate Leporids..."

"What's the point in being jealous?" Sasori glared at Kankurō who locked his hands behind his head, "I'm just asking?"

"Sasori!" The redhead sighed as Temari stomped into the room. "You have poor Kimimaro-kun running around the damn village looking for Gaara." The blond shook her head. "I swear, I have the most stubborn siblings in the world! Why won't you run the colony?"

"Uh, because I don't want to?"

Temari cracked her knuckles and everyone safe for Naruto and Sasori attempted to hold her back. "You want the position, why not just take it?"

"Because I'm not going against our customs or usurp your position for my own selfish purposes!" Sasori, Deidara, Kiba, and Kankurō stared at the blond clearly unconvinced. "W-What?"

Sasori sighed, "what if I renounce my title to you?"

"What? That's madness man!" Kankurō replied waving his arms in the air defensively. "She'll go power hungry... even more so than she is now!"

"I am not power hungry!" Again, she was met with unconvinced stares. "Fine! I might go _a __little_ power hungry. So what? Who doesn't?"

"You wonder why you're unfit to be the ruler?" Kankurō shook his head. "Ōnoki-san might have been a cranky old man but he wasn't the type to be seduced by power, just like Sasori which is why he was chosen to be our new ruler."

"Did someone call for me?" Everyone turned toward the newcomer standing in the doorway that Kimimaro was leaning against in an attempt to catch his breath.

"Talk some sense into _your_ brother Gaara!" Huffing, Temari deposited herself onto the bench folding her arms over her chest.

Gaara glanced at Sasori then sighed walking over to him dragging Kimimaro along. Kiba and Kankurō helped Kimimaro get to the bench where he proceeded to unceremoniously plop down.

"What's wrong now?"

Deidara glomped onto Gaara's back. "Danna still doesn't want to be the oyabun, which means I won't be the kaichō of the brotherhood yeah."

"Wait a damn minute! Why in the world would _you_ of all creatures be our second-in-command?"

Deidara stuck his tongue out at Temari, "cause Danna likes me the best, un."

Naruto scratched his head in blatant confusion. He wasn't sure if they were talking about running the colony or the freaking yakuza, and judging by the kimono clad appearances of every creature he met so far the yakuza wasn't that far off.

Green eyes glanced in Naruto's direction. "Who's the fox?"

"He's Kiba's." Was the collective response as the brunet in question sighed.

"I thought Kiba had the cavia?"

"He's not mine either!"

Shrugging and ignoring the brunet's protests, Gaara walked over to Naruto hugging him. Unlike everyone else's hug this one made the blond blush slightly. The slightly shorter teen was a hell of a lot warmer than the rest of them, excluding Deidara who had an abnormally high body temperature... but that was supposedly normal for a rabbit.

"Naru-chan, this is Gaara, I suppose he'd be tied for third-in-command of Sunagakure." Deidara merrily bounced over to Naruto leaning on him. "Its so good to meet another blond that isn't Temari, un; and check it out we both have blue eyes."

"Oh, speaking of blonds." Everyone turned to Temari. "Haku-chan told me Konoha's heika renounced her title a few weeks ago." Naruto gulped but fortunately no one noticed.

"Seriously? Who'd she give it to?"

Temari shrugged, "not sure I'll ask Haku—"

"Are my ears burning?" A long haired brunet waltzed into the room kicking the door closed behind him. Big brown eyes locked onto Naruto and silver pointed ears perked up atop the brunet's head. "Are you hiding another canid from me!"

"He's Kiba's." Everyone replied.

Kiba sighed. "Whatever."

The newcomer practically ran over to Naruto nuzzling against him. "And he's a fox too! Dammit, I miss all the fun!" The blond's face turned red as the brunet shamelessly rubbed their faces together.

Deidara, who was still leaning against Naruto, tried to pry the brunet off the whisker-faced teen. "He came from Konoha, Haku, so maybe if you went home once in a while you might have seen him, un."

The brunet pouted rubbing his now free cheeks, "Konoha's no fun." He sniffed Naruto. "Wait a minute, his scent is kinda wonky."

The group exchanged glances before turning back to the brunet. "Wonky?"

"Listen, I think a fox..." He pointed to himself, "would be able to distinguish another fox best; not a couple of tanukis, a _rabbit_, a wolf-dog, or a frigging unicorn." He pointed to the aforementioned creatures he spoke of as he named them.

Haku tried to approach Naruto again but Deidara stopped him. "Either way, yeah, back the hell up."

"Why don't you back the hell up _Deidara_?"

Gaara sighed grabbing both Haku and Deidara by their protruding ears pulling them away from Naruto; he gave the former to Sasori and the latter to Kankurō. "There."

"Come to think of it, I was interrupted earlier when I asked Naruto where he met Kiba." Everyone in the room turned to Naruto.

"We met in Sasuke's room." Kiba replied.

"Not that. You're always talking about your idiot Konoha friends and this one never came up."

"We only met two weeks ago."

"Before you came in..." Kankurō interrupted. "Kiba told us Naruto isn't from Konoha but from Earth." The other occupants of the room – minus Kiba, Sasori and Naruto – stared at Kankurō in confusion. "You know... that place from all the scrolls and books? Dammit, I hate trying to explain things."

"So, in layman's terms..." Temari began, "he's a foreigner?" Kankurō facepalmed but nodded. "Guess that explains the slight non fox like scent he has?"

"Well, half of a fox is still a fox." Haku wiggled free from Kankurō, "meaning I'm the closest one to him in accordance to species." He merrily walked back over to Naruto rubbing against him. "He's so warm."

"Duh, anyone you touch is warm you stupid fuck." Haku glared at the long-haired blond. "You are an arctic fox, un."

Naruto looked at the sparkly – upon closer inspection white and not silver – ears sticking out from the brunet's head. Unlike everyone else who had ears pop up (Sasuke, Sasori, and Deidara) Haku's ears weren't the same color as his hair ...unless his hair color wasn't naturally brown.

"Oh!" Haku stopped rubbing against Naruto in favor of embracing him. "We haven't been formally introduced!" He reluctantly detached himself from the blond. "I'm Yuki Haku, I'm a fox like you... but I'm an arctic fox. Lets be good friends~" The brunet bowed then facepalmed. "Dammit, I need to stop doing that!"

"You _are_ from Konoha right?" Haku glared at Temari who was chuckling. "Anyway!" The blond clapped her hands together. "Back to the matter at hand! Sasori, you've been chosen to be the oyabun and that's what you'll be. End of discussion!"

"Exactly how are you going to get me to become oyabun if I'm not willing?"

Temari shook her head. "That's easy... grab him!" Before the redhead could react Kimimaro, Kankurō, Haku, and Kiba grabbed him. "Quick, to the oyabun's house!"

… …

"So... Sasori is only sixteen?" Deidara nodded then sighed. Naruto watched Kimimaro, Kankurō, Haku, Gaara, Temari, and Kiba forcibly carry an unwilling and kicking Sasori in front of the old man from earlier.

The old man shook his head. "Now he decides to act his age?" He hit Sasori over the head rendering him unconscious. Once Sasori was out cold Kankurō and the others released him giving him to Ōnoki who took out the megaphone Temari had earlier.

"My fellow villagers... a mere fifty-five years ago we wouldn't be having this celebration as we were still a small piece of land under the rule of the tyrannical witch known as Namikaze Tsunade!" As the villagers booed Naruto gulped. "However our first oyabun Mū fought tooth and nail to free us from the laws of Konohagakure so that we may be able to live the lives we are living today!" The villagers cheered. "Due to the tragic loss of our third oyabun I had to reclaim the position back as no one was capable of it at the time. But now, we have a villager although he may not be one-hundred percent willing I believe that no one is more capable of carrying on our traditions than him. So without further adieu, I give you the fourth oyabun of Sunagakure: Sabaku Sasori!"

Ōnoki lifted up the unconscious teen in front of the cheering crowd. "Gramps..." Kurotsuchi whispered, "aren't you afraid you'll throw your back out?"

"I'm fine, besides this pup is light as a feather." Sighing, the brunette went back to cheering. Ōnoki cleared his throat. "Along with our new leader we have his commanding officers..." He glared at the long-haired blond. "His older brothers Gaara and Kankurō and ..._friend_ Deidara." The villagers continued to cheer loudly. "May the colony be as prosperous under their rule as it was under mine." Nodding to the crowd, Ōnoki got off the makeshift stage still holding Sasori. Shaking her head Kurotsuchi hopped off the stage as well.

"Sasori, Sasori, Sasori!" The villagers chanted.

Unlike the coronation in Konohagakure there was food served after the crowning. The villagers happily ate, danced, and drank celebrating their new leader.

When Sasori came too he glared at everyone responsible for knocking him out and forcing him to become the new oyabun of the colony. Naruto silently felt sorry for the teen, the blond himself wasn't all that willing to run his kingdom but at least didn't get dragged to the sight nor was he knocked out in order for the ceremony to go on.

Deidara bounced over to the redhead giving him an icepack and a cup of what Naruto was certain was alcohol judging by the mischievous smirk the rabbit was sporting. He affectionately nuzzled against the somber redhead in an attempt to cheer him up. Naruto wasn't certain if they were mates or lovers or just _really_ really good friends but regardless of their relationship they were definitely a lot more lovey dovey than Sasuke and Shikamaru.

"Ya look kinda lost." Naruto stared suspiciously at the cup Kiba gave him. "It ain't poison or nothing, its customary to drink at these things." He tapped his cup against Naruto's. "Bottoms up." He gulped down the drink in one swig then breathed a sigh of relief. Noticing that the blond wasn't drinking he nudged him encouraging him to at least take a sip.

Nodding slowly Naruto drank the contents of the cup in one swig as well. "What the hell is this?"

Kiba shrugged, "dunno, but it was over by the grown-up table so I had to get some." The brunet waggled his eyebrows, "but seriously man, ya look kinda out of it."

"I am."

"I figured. Come on, I wanna introduce ya to a bunch of my friends." Not giving Naruto time to respond, Kiba grabbed his wrist pulling him through the crowd of villagers.

Even with Kiba leading the way Naruto somehow managed to bump into several villagers and a few tables. Once they reached their destination they sat on one of the benches. "Oi, this is Naruto."

"We met already silly." Haku sat in the free space to Naruto's left.

"I wasn't talking to ya." He slapped Haku's hand that was venturing up Naruto's thigh.

Pouting, the long-haired brunet rubbed his sore hand. "Don't be a prude man, if he isn't yours then he's fair game! I mean, you hog all the good looking guys! Its so not fair!"

"Naruto-kun, you say?" The blond's eyes widened as he was enveloped in perhaps the tightest bear hug he had received so far. "I am Rock Lee it is a pleasure meeting you!"

"R-Right!"

"Lee, I told you about being so ...what's the word? Happy."

"I apologize."

As if in slow motion the brunet Lee was talking to turned to Naruto and the blond's eyes widened considerably. Like Haku, this brunet had long hair but his eyes were a lavender-whitish mixture almost like looking at clouds. "I'm Neji." Naruto got up embracing the taller teen.

"Hey! He wasn't that happy to greet me!"

Naruto reluctantly released the brunet. "I'm Naruto, oh, but Kiba already told you that." Blushing slightly, he sat back down next to the fuming Haku.

Neji tucked a strand of his hair behind his right ear taking the empty seat on Naruto's right. "Deidara told me you're from Earth." Naruto nodded meekly.

"Wow, we read many scrolls and books about Earth. I hear it is a wonderful place to be!" Neji pulled Lee down next to him then clamped a hand over his mouth muffling the rest of whatever the taller teen had to say.

"Oi!" Deidara tapped his spoon against his glass. "I need all the kyodai to step forward. You guys know who you are, un."

"Excuse me for a second."

"Yeah, we'll be back Naruto."

Naruto watched Kiba and Neji walk over to where Deidara was. Haku huffed, "in case Temari-san pulled a stunt like this waka appointed his kyodai as soon as the votes named him Ōnoki-san's successor."

"Kyodai?"

"In Konohagakuren terms they would be the heika's advisers, but here they're known as the big brothers of the colony or the Sunagakuren brotherhood."

"Is that why you use yakuza terms?"

"Exactly! I didn't really get it at first but, wow, you're really amazing..."

In the center of the room around Sasori stood Deidara, Gaara, Kankurō, Neji, Kiba, Kimimaro, and an unfamiliar blue-haired bespectacled teen. "So, this is your brotherhood Sunagakure!" Temari screamed into the megaphone. "And despite not being apart of it I support them one hundred percent."

Everyone in the surrounding area rose their cups in the air cheering at their new leader and their brotherhood.

"Everyone certainly does drink a lot."

"It is a momentous occasion after all..." Haku snuggled closer to Naruto. "Bottoms up, right?" He poured some of the contents of his cup into Naruto's then tapped their cups together.

The blond wearily eyed the suspicious non colored liquid squishing around in his cup before drinking it.

Haku leered at the blond his white tail swaying back and forth behind him. "So, how long have you been in Konoha Naruto-kun?"

"A-A few days." The blond squawked noticing how impossibly close Haku got to him especially on the tiny bench they were sitting on; Naruto also noticing the white swishing tail that matched the brunet's white fox ears.

The 'brotherhood' split up into the crowd getting celebratory pats on the back and hugs on the way. Kiba and Deidara walked back over to where Naruto and Haku were. Deidara happily sat in between Naruto and Haku.

"Dammit, would you guys stop cockblocking me?"

"For us to cockblock you, dear Haku-chin, you would actually have to stand a chance of getting to bed with Naruto yeah."

"Oh!" Kiba interrupted sensing impending doom. "I almost forgot. Chōjūrō!" The crowd parted slightly allowing the blue-haired teen from earlier to slip through. "This is Chōjūrō."

Smiling, the bespectacled teen embraced Naruto. After the tenth time he became used to getting hugged so he hugged back. Once the embracing was over Chōjūrō adjusted his glasses. "This is the second friend you brought from Konoha, right?" Kiba nodded. "His ki is odd."

"We know."

Chōjūrō nodded. "Oh..."

The blue-haired teen flinched as he felt an arm on his shoulder. "Oh. I'm sorry, we haven't been formally introduced." Kimimaro hesitantly hugged Naruto before quickly letting go. "I'm Kimimaro but everyone calls me Kimi."

"Let me see 'em!" The crowd parted again as another white-haired teen slipped through. This newcomer was extremely lanky, behind him stood a tall orange haired teen. The white-haired teen whistled. "I'll be damned, you brought a cute one this time Kiba~" Before Naruto had time to react, the lanky white-haired teen bear hugged him.

"Suigetsu stop." The orange-haired teen chided easily breaking the hug by separating the teens, then the tall teen gently hugged Naruto himself with his free arm. "I'm Jūgo and that's Suigetsu."

"Boo, I wasn't done with 'em!" Suigetsu attempted to free himself but his attempts were in vain. "Dammit Jūgo let me go!"

Kimimaro walked over to Jūgo linking their hands together causing the orange-haired teen to drop Suigetsu on his ass. Blushing furiously, he looked at the hand entwined with his.

When the tall teen's pointy orange ears popped up the rest of the group cooed making Jūgo blush impossibly further.

"Hey, since Naruto's new and whatever lets give 'em a tour of Suna!" Suigetsu suggested latching onto Naruto's right arm.

"Hey, yeah!" Haku agreed latching onto the left. "Its not as big as Konoha, but you'll like it just as much if not more; I know I do."

Naruto sighed, "I can't wait."

Haku nuzzled further into Naruto's arm. "Kiba, go tell waka we're leaving."

"Wait, who's we?"

"Duh." The brunet rolled his eyes. "You, me, Suigetsu, Kimi, Jūgo, Chōjūrō—"

"Why do ya need so many of us?"

"...Good point, I'll take him myself."

"Like hell you will!" Suigetsu tugged the blond between them. "If you're going, I'm going."

"You're going to need a referee." Chōjūrō whispered to Kiba who nodded. "Maybe two."

"I got it." Smiling, the brunet disappeared into the crowd then came back a few second later with Sasori and Kankurō.

"Oh crap."

"Let go of him." Needing no further instruction both Suigetsu and Haku reluctantly let go of the blond pouting. "Now, what's this I hear about needing an escort?"

Kankurō shook his head, "damn 'Sori you make them seem like a host club."

"Listen waka we were just going to give Naruto-kun a tour of Suna!" Red eyes narrowed at Suigetsu. "I-Its the truth!"

The redhead sighed, "fine. I'll show him around."

"No fair!" Haku pouted, "you just want him all to yourself! You do have a penchant for bubbly blonds after all." He glanced at Deidara. "Besides, you can't leave the party."

"Like hell I can't. Lets go Dei, Kurō."

"Aye aye Danna!" The long-haired blond merrily bounced after Sasori, Kankurō, and Naruto.

Haku scratched his head, "well damn... he took Naru-chan."

"Who took Naruto?" Horrified, Haku and the others stared wide-eyed at Temari. "Well...?"

Suigetsu gulped as those cold teal eyes turned to him. "W-Waka?"

Temari cracked her knuckles, "is that so?"

… …

The first stop of the tour of Sunagakure was the medic's station. Unlike the one in Konoha, this particular medic station had a warm friendly vibe – then again the one in Konoha was run by Sasuke who wasn't exactly the most friendly creature Naruto had ever come in contact with.

"Kimi is our medic here." Naruto looked up at Kankurō incredulously, "I know but its true... Jūgo is his assistant but we all suspect something else is going on between them."

"Damn, Kurō tell the whole colony thier business." The brunet glared at the redhead staring at the far right wall.

With Kimimaro still at the party Naruto and Kankurō explored the station touching all the things that medics usually told you, in advanced, not to touch. Once they had their fill they headed to stop number two: the Sunagakuren Bar. Despite being a minor, and the youngest in the group, Sasori nonchalantly walked into the bar with Deidara, Kankurō, and Naruto in tow. The bartender hopped the counter enveloping the redhead and Deidara in a bear hug at the same time.

"Iruka-sensei~" Kankurō ran over to the brunet bartender. "How come you weren't at the party?"

"I was, but then I figured Sasori-kun would be coming this way so I left halfway." Big brown eyes looked over Kankurō's shoulder. "Who is that?"

"That? Oh! That's Naruto." Kankurō beckoned the blond over to him.

Naruto walked over to them somewhat surprised that the adorably scarred brunet didn't outright embrace him like everyone else had. Instead the brunet tilted his head to the right. "He looks a lot like Konoha's heika, I mean ex heika."

Kankurō and Sasori exchanged glances then looked at Naruto who was sporting a blank expression.

The brunet shrugged, "oh well." He happily embraced the blond. "I'm Umino Iruka, its nice to meet you."

Kankurō nudged the redhead whispering, "now that I think about it almost everyone has been telling him he bares some sort of resemblance to that Namikaze guy and he was the son of the ex heika, do you think there could be some sort of family resemblance?"

Sasori sighed, "obviously."

"Yeah, I... wait—what?"

The redhead shook his head. "Its obvious there is some family connection between them but if he doesn't want to talk about it then who are we to ask?"

"Your indifference really pisses me off sometimes."

"Its the reason they chose me to be the oyabun, isn't it?" Kankurō sighed.

"So, what are you all up to?"

"We're giving our Konohagakuren friend a tour of our poor little community." Iruka nodded in understanding. "We'll be back when the tour is done."

"I'll have a drink ready for you."

With the bar done, the group made their way to the third stop the Suna Junkyard. Despite the absence of automotive transportation in this world there was a hell of a lot of metal things piled up. Gaara sat behind a desk absentmindedly flipping the pages of the book in front of him.

"When the hell did you leave?"

The redhead glanced up at his older brother still flipping pages. "When did you leave?"

"We must have left after you if you beat us here, Haku and Suigetsu were arguing over Naruto about giving him a tour so we decided to give him the tour ourselves."

Gaara nodded, "I see. Well this is the scrapyard, junkyard... whatever yard. We find old things and try and fix them or make them new." The redhead shrugged as he went back to flipping the pages. "You're welcome to look around."

"Okay."

"Oi, Gaara-niichan, where do you want these boxes?"

Naruto froze. The unmistakable recognition of a voice he was so used to hearing, a voice he knew all too well – its highest and lowest pitches. Everything appeared to be moving in slow motion as Kankurō held the door open for someone who couldn't be seen behind the mountain of boxes covering their front, top half.

"Just chuck 'em anywhere, they're not really important."

"K-Konohamaru?"

Kankurō and Gaara exchanged glances before the former removed the boxes covering the face of the brunet. "I-It is you..."

With his tail popping up then swaying from side to side, tears fell freely from Naruto's face and Konohamaru barely had time to brace himself as Naruto tackled him to the ground ...while he was still holding the remainder of the boxes.

"Hold on..." Sasori began, "Kon-chin is the friend you lost?"

Naruto began to nod then stopped, "Kon-chin?"

Kankurō nodded easily picking up both Naruto and Konohamaru, "he's super adorable and his name is too damn long to say. Hey, Deidara, when did you find him exactly?"

"Hm? Uh... three days ago I think, yeah. Found him buried in the desert teetering the outskirts of Suna holding a satchel and some circular head piece, un. Didn't understand a word he said until the old man did some weird ki shifting, brain wave altering technique."

"Old man?" Sasori rose an eyebrow, "you mean Ōnoki?"

"Ah! Something like that happened to me too – the ki shift brain altering thing!" Naruto turned to Konohamaru. "You couldn't understand what was being said?"

"That's the weird part, I did, but I couldn't reply."

"You always were my translator; oh, you have my bag! I was looking for it when I woke up."

"Uh, I _had_ it but then I lost it."

"Its still here." Gaara replied flipping another page, "it looked important so I didn't toss it."

Grinning, Konohamaru walked over to the redhead, leaned down, then pressed their closed lips together.

Blushing, Naruto pointed accusingly at the brunet. "W-What the hell do you think you're doing!"

"Uh, I was just thanking him." Naruto stared blankly at him, "its how you show your gratitude here."

"B-By pressing your mouths together!" Naruto gasped. "That's a horrible way to show gratitude! Your chastity has been tarnished!"

"Naruto stop! What chastity? Its not like its the first time I've _thanked_ someone, that was you remember?"

Naruto's right eye twitched, "yes I remember don't get cheeky with me! I couldn't possibly have you waste your first kiss!"

Gaara and the others titled their heads in confusion. "Kiss?"

"R-Right." Naruto sighed, "on Earth its a way to show your affection or love toward someone."

"Like—" Konohamaru covered Deidara's mouth shaking his head.

"So Boss, where were you? I was going to look for you but they told me the kingdom's heika would behead me."

Naruto cleared his throat, "I-I ended up in the forest on the Konoha border and only made my way out of there using my nose. I haven't stopped looking for you since I got there two weeks ago... and now I found you~" The blond pulled Konohamaru closer nuzzling his face against the brunet's disheveled mane subconsciously breathing in the familiar scent.

_Scent?_

Naruto nuzzled further into Konohamaru's head sniffing him. Wrinkling his nose, Naruto held Konohamaru away from him. "Your scent changed!"

Konohamaru scratched his head in confusion, "huh?"

Deidara hopped over to the fourteen-year-old sniffing him too. "How is he supposed to smell, hm? Maybe its because he was buried in the sand for so long? No one really knows how long he was there, un."

Naruto shook his head. "No... I smell the sand but its not that; its like I smell someone else around him."

Gaara closed the book he was reading, "I take it the scent isn't coming from a creature in this room?"

"Oh, so this is the Naruto-kaichō you've been talking about non stop Kono-chin?" Naruto watched as an excessively pale black-haired teen walked from the doorway toward him and Konohamaru. The teen stopped looking Naruto up and down in unadulterated disapproval. Sighing heavily he reluctantly gave the blond a half-assed hug. "I'm Sai." He quickly let go of the blond.

"_You_; you're the scent all over Konohamaru!"

"That's one impressive sense of smell you possess, but I wouldn't say my scent is _all_ over him."

Gaara, Deidara, Kankurō, and Konohamaru looked at Naruto, then at Sai, then back at Naruto who's eyes widened briefly before he bared his fangs. "_You_..."

"H-Hold on!" Konohamaru poorly attempted to hold Naruto back, "you really shouldn't start a fight."

"Don't tell me you're protecting him!"

"No, its _you_ I'm protecting!"

"You never questioned my fighting ability before."

"It has nothing to do with your fighting skill." Naruto looked down at the pouting brunet and sighed.

"Fine. I came here to try and make peace between Sunagakure and Konohagakure anyway." All eyes turned too Naruto. "What?"

"That's not a very good idea." Kankurō replied, "then again Ōnoki isn't the oyabun anymore so you'll have to talk to waka about that."

Sasori shrugged, "I couldn't care less either way. I'm up for peace." He glanced at the blond, "are you Konoha's ambassador?"

"The what?"

"You know, their representative? You were sent here to negotiate and put an end to the rivalry that the previous leaders created hundreds of years ago."

Kankurō nudged Sasori. "Suna was only found fifty something years ago, Ōnoki said that earlier today."

"Whatever." He turned back to Naruto, "if you can get the current heika to agree then I'm all for it."

"Right..." Naruto cleared his throat, "is there any way to communicate with Konoha without actually going there?"

"Yeah, we have all sorts of ways – we just don't use them." Gaara stood up. "Follow me."


End file.
